In order to find what you are looking for you must first know what it is. Makes sense, right? So part of this exercise is for me to figure out what I want, yet the DBT needs to let me know what they think I need as well. After all, if I wanted what was right for me in the past, I may not be in the position of needing a Dating Brain Trust now.
So I will do my part and start the conversation going by writing up a little description of what I am looking for in a long-term love relationship.
In order to accomplish this task, I used model provided by Charlotte Kasl (I know, you probably think I read nothing else) which invites one to examine their wants via eight characteristics. The following list is quoted from her book If the Buddha Dated (p.76):
- physical/material: looks, status, age, education money
- Intellect: level of intelligence, use of intelligence and wisdom
- Interests: hobbies, work, leisure time
- Values/lifestyle: religion, number of children, child-rearing beliefs
- Psychological/emotional: capacity for intimacy, emotional maturity
- Creativity/passion: playfulness, talents, level of energy and joy
- Spirituality: commitment to a path of truth, integrity, and service
- Essence: the ability to flow from love, truth, goodness and power
Firstly she asks that you review all of the above listed categories and write exactly what you want, your dream mate in great detail. I will not bore you with my very long essay because Kasl then takes one through the process of melting that down to only a few words, then one word.
I will share some of this with you here:
The Man for Me:
In 50 words
He is handsome and fit. Caring, compassionate, generous, affectionate, creative, honest, seeks to improve himself and the world around him, is a good father and an excellent communicator, believes in Buddhist/ Quaker principles, enjoys the arts, outdoors, and has a matching energy level, a quiet sleeper.
healthy in mind and spirit, articulate, affectionate, lover of life
honest, healthy, articulate, affectionate, adventurous
Your thoughts DBT? What do you think I need or should want in a man? Have I missed something incredibly obvious?