Seriously?

Standard

So I will not be seeing  Mr Nice Change of Pace  again and it has nothing to do with my calling him to invite him somewhere. (to see previous blog on calling etiquette click here)

Apparently, within the last 4 days he has had a change of heart. He sent me a charmingly written “Dear John” email stating he is getting back together with his former(?)/current(?) girlfriend.

It was a nice note and I am grateful for his honesty in the matter as opposed to leading me on or just never contacting me again.  But I am a bit annoyed with my rotten luck.

It is difficult to meet suitable men in my age bracket and downright rare to find a nice one so this is a bit of a blow.  I am also annoyed with the swiftness of the action.  We had lunch on Tuesday when he told me he liked me and would like to get to know me better, on Wednesday he sent me an email suggesting we go on a trip together in the near future and on Saturday morning this email acknowledging that there is potential for a great romantic relationship between us but he is choosing to rekindle his relationship with this other woman.

Of course he wants to keep a friendship going- hinting that if things don’t work out with her we could give it a go.

I need some help here.  How should I respond to that? Thoughts?

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6 responses »

  1. He wants to keep you in reserve just in case things don’t work out with the other woman? That’s just shitty. I’d email him back and say no. Well, there’s a whole lot more I’d suggest you say, but it’s not really polite and involves some colorful language.

  2. So, he’s hedging his bets? Mmmmm, don’t know. I guess if you actually really like him, you can go with that impulse, and see what happens. But he hasn’t gotten off to a good foundation of trust-building here. Plus, it may be too close for comfort. Will you be saddened when you hear from the girlfriend how well it’s going? Secretly happy when she calls you to cry on your shoulder because he’s disconnecting again?

    If it were me, I’d put the kaibosh on any promises of a romantic relationship in the near future, and think hard about whether I’d even want to be a friend going forward. He may be nice enough to maintain that friend bond, but I’d personally be a little gun-shy about entertaining any more romantic notions with him or within myself. The initial, quick level of intimacy escalation combined with the equally quick de-escalation would scare me.

    Sorry for the let-down!

    • Well, Dora, here are my thoughts on continuing a friendship with this man:

      I will be happy to see him only in the company of his girlfriend from now on. If they break up he can work out his issues with someone else for a while and then, maybe, just maybe, provided I am available (which is highly unlikely because I am such a catch), I will consider dating him but not likely. Your observation of the quick intimacy level and equally quick withdrawal is indeed unnerving.

      Thanks for your thoughts and advice. You are very wise.

  3. Pingback: Dusting off: Dealing with rejection « Dating by Committee

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