Men to Avoid: The Gun toter


A man who carries a gun is trouble.  I mean the guy who is packing heat on his person or in his car rather than someone who uses a gun for sport like target shooting or hunting.  Why do I say that you may ask?  “There must be a good reason he has a gun or he wouldn’t have one,” you might say.  That is the point. These guys may claim they carry a gun in case they need to use it in self defense.  Self defense of what is the question.

  What are the reasons a man would want to have a means to kill people at his finger tips?
  1. he is involved in something criminal
  2. he has a job that involves dealing with criminals and thinks they will find him in his “off” hours
  3. he is paranoid to the point he feels he needs the ability to maim or kill
  4. he enjoys the power
Here is a startling fact from the Futures Without Violence website:
Guns and domestic violence are a lethal combination – injuring and killing women every day in the United States. A gun is the weapon most commonly used in domestic homicides. In fact, more than three times as many women are murdered by guns used by their husbands or intimate acquaintances than are killed by strangers’ guns, knives or other weapons combined.i Contrary to many public perceptions, many women who are murdered are killed not by strangers but by men they know.
The first guy I dated who carried a gun worked for the government as a Secret Service type agent.  I was in college and felt it was really cool to date a professional and somehow felt safer knowing this guy could whip out his handgun at any moment and rid the world of any bothersome dangerous person. There was something titilating about the power and danger of it all. I wasn’t thinking in terms of him going nuts and using the gun on me – which was never the case but always a possibility. He even slept with his holstered gun slung around his bedpost.  (I know this because after a few dates he decided he liked my roommate better. Fortunately for me, she was the one who was with him long enough to discover his paranoia).

Being with this guy meant being in the line of danger -at least that is what he believed and he thought it was fun.

The second guy was someone I met while a single mom the first time around.   We were both in sales at the same company but in different divisions.  On the surface this guy seemed perfectly normal; friendly, well groomed, confident but he was a troubled person on the inside.  I probably wouldn’t have dated him in the first place but the company president had decided to exclude the corporate sales guys from the Holiday party so I invited all five of them as my dates in an act of anarchy.  The pres found out about it and realized how stupid his ruling had been and reversed his decision.  This guy sort of ambushed me in the hall one day shortly after the decision reversal and asked if we were still going together and without thinking I said , “Of course”.

The following Saturday he asked me if I would help him with some Christmas shopping.  We went to a big urban mall and pretty much he just tagged along while I shopped.  He didn’t really have anyone to shop for except his mother. The next time I saw him socially was Holiday party time.

We went  and had a good time but I was a little uncomfortable with how he hovered around me- it was a company party after all we both knew most of the people there.  On the way home he began to share some personal information: the anger he felt towards  his ex-wife for divorcing and a horrific story about how he and his friend had been robbed at gunpoint. His friend had been mortally wounded in the incident and he was still quite distraught though it had been several years past.  He then leaned over towards me and opened his glove box to reveal a loaded gun.  At that moment I was glad we had met in the neutrality of the office parking lot that night and he didn’t know where I lived.

Work was a little awkward after that but by then I had decided to got to graduate school and was leaving to start school in January.  But just before Christmas and  few days after my last day at that job, he asked me to lunch.  I was curious, so I went.  During dessert he placed a little store wrapped box on the table.  It was a pair of 1/4 diamond stud earrings.

“I cannot accept these,” I said. “It is way too much.”

“Just take them,” he said.  “I don’t have anyone else to buy a gift for . No strings attached.  How often will you get something like that with no strings attached, honestly? Just keep them.”

OK, so the earrings were nice but the guy was nuts.

I left. Went to grad school and fortunately nothing bad happened but it was a lesson.  This man was in the paranoid/power place and who knows when those people will snap and on whom?

It is foolish to stand around waiting to find out – nice gifts or not.

What are your thoughts about men who carry hand guns?

4 responses »

  1. Fear of guns… Guns are neutral, like a car they can be used to kill. They are not for sport, and they are not for hunting, they are for protection against criminals and the government. 80 Million Americans own guns, 45% of households, and after signing of the NDAA it’s skyrocketed; the firearms business is having record sales.

    Let’s just remember that Hitler disarmed his countrymen before incinerating them. I have many friends who carry guns, they also do crazy things like home school their kids, have their own businesses, deal in cash, and stockpile organic food. I know that many women tend to be collectivists by nature, but a disarmed/socialist population is not what you want–it’s just another form of fascism which leads to eugenics and again we’re back to Hitler and genocide.

    Be thankful that others are armed. Without firing a shot the statistics alone will protect you from tyranny. If these people were not exercising their second amendment you wouldn’t have a first. In many ways your not fulfilling your duty as a citizen when you are not armed. The bottom line is take care of yourself, the government has not and will not protect you.

    • Thank you for your comments which up the point that everyone is entitled to their opinions and decisions regarding what is right for themselves.

      It is interesting that you seem to have interpreted the blog post as a rally against the second amendment. I personally believe that people should have the right to bear arms (responsibly). I have zero fear of guns as I grew up with guns in my home and have been known to shoot for sport (I am actually pretty good shot- so don’t mess with me. :-)) and grew up with guns in my home. I have fear of the kind of people who want to carry a loaded gun with them all the time. In my post I am just saying that I feel that someone who is fearful enough of the world to carry a loaded gun with them everywhere they go deals with some sort of issue that signifies a poor choice of potential mate (and that is really not gender related).

      For fun (and this is probably a non-sequitor to your statement), I will share a true personal story about anger,fear and guns:

      H2 wanted to keep a gun in the house. His reason for getting a gun was for protection against intruders – that would indicate that the gun be loaded at all times and kept in a place that would be immediately accessible to adults at night when a break-in was most likely to occur, our bedroom. He had never even held a gun before that time so he would have to take the time to learn how to shoot. We had both an over active burglar alarm and a loud intimidating dog so even though we lived in a neighborhood situated a few blocks from a fairly bad one, I felt pretty safe in the house.

      I felt that H2, an active alcoholic with anger issues and had little inkling to actually take the time to learn how to use a gun safely, should be one of the last people to have a loaded gun readily available to them. If you understand anything about the disease of alcoholism and how it affects families you will know that I was a pretty angry person myself at the time (although I was getting some help). I often felt fearful of the unpredictability of his outbursts and the depth of my own reactions to it.

      So this is what I said to him:

      “Honey, there is only one person in this house who knows how to use a gun and that is ME. and There is only one person who will ever come into this house that I will shoot and that is YOU. So for the sake of my children, who deserve to grow up with a living, non-crippled father and a mother who is not in jail, we will not keep a gun in our home – EVER.”

      Later incidents indicate that it was a good call on my part. I am grateful to be writing this from my comfortable apartment rather than prison.

  2. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems as if you are basing your theory of men that carry guns being dangerous on one clingy man. That is hardly an adequate sample size to make such claims. I’m very disappointed that 1. You would choose to disseminate such a ludicrous theory publicly with any type of actual research or data. 2. That it was actually published in a way that people might think that kind of behavior is only resevered for responsible gun owners. It’s is precisely this type of close minded uneducated thinking that leads to distrust of good people. Basing your feelings toward a group of people on the one you know you have met is just foolish. I assure you you know many more people that carry a gun regularly that are nothing like that man and whom you probably rather enjoy being around.

  3. I am so glad you wrote to me, Walt. I had totally forgotten about this posting. I have some interesting news for you after I address your concerns.

    In response to lack of research and tone: It is a blog and I can write whatever I want. If this were an article that I was assigned for a publication I would have presented researched information and a more balanced viewpoint but it is just my space to express my opinion.

    Now for the interesting news: My opinions on possession of firearms has changed in large part to an association with Jackson Landers, a guy who grew up in a meatless household and later decided he wanted to learn to hunt for food. Jackson has written two books about hunting and has taught dozens adults to hunt. The basic idea is to have fresh, local, organic, free-range meat to feed your family while respecting the natural cycle of things and helping to control and maintain the health of local deer populations. Organic, free-range meat while respecting the environment sounds really great to me so I am learning how to deer hunt and may very well soon be the owner of my own rifle for hunting deer.

    Owning a gun will not make me a nutcase or put me on any side of a political debate. I will use it as a tool just like a car or carving knife.

    And you are correct. I do now know many responsible people who own guns to be used as tools for hunting. They are nothing like that paranoid guy I was writing about. But I also now live in rural Virginia and not a heavily populated urban area.

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