Sparking Doubt




I remain irritated with Christian Carter and his money making scheme.  Partly because he is a guy who is making money off of something that plays off of women’s insecurity (or a gay man’s I suppose since this is about “getting a man”).  Partly because the next section of yesterday’s email has triggered self doubt.

I have always felt comfortable around men.  In fact, at times in my life I have preferred the company of men to women.  Until reading CC’s email, I was confident that men found me attractive and that a man’s desire to be with a woman in a long -term committed relationship was something that happened organically.  I mean, haven’t you met happy couples that you wondered how they ever came together or why they are happily together now?  It is a mystery  not  to be solved by mere mortals.

Looking back on my relationship history, I would say that 95% of the time I broke off the relationship which implies that I have had little trouble sparking that desire in a man to be committed.  H2 would have liked to stay married to me as I recall, the dissatisfaction with the relationship was on my part.

So from where is this ugly doubt coming?

Read the second part of CC’s email which rests between the three number signs:


Ok, Mary,

There are 3 critical elements that you MUST HAVE between you and a man if you want a loving, lasting, and secure relationship.

Ready? Here we go…

Element #1: An Intense Level Of Attraction

Call it “chemistry”.

Call it a spark.

Call it whatever you like, but if a man doesn’t “feel it” for you when it comes to this magic something of chemistry and attraction, then NOTHING ELSE you say or do will matter.

And I mean NOTHING ELSE matters.

You can try and say all the right things.

You can think about him all the time.

And you can do amazing things for him that no other woman could ever know to do for him in his life…

But if that gut-level ATTRACTION isn’t there that tells him deep down inside that he HAS to be with you tonight and every other night… then there isn’t much you can do to change his mind or make him feel differently and really and truly want you.

A man MUST feel a level of attraction for you that goes DEEPER than the physical attraction” that quickly comes and goes, but can seem so “real”.

Unfortunately, lots of women make 2 mistakes when it comes to attraction with men that keep them from ever being able to get past those critical early dating stages where a man will become more emotionally attached and involved with a woman.

These 2 mistakes are:

-Trying to get a man’s interest and attention by using the fast, fun, and easy approach to create physical attraction inside a man (which never does last)

-Not knowing how that deeper level of what I call “Emotional Attraction” works inside a man’s mind that will make him want to emotionally open up and engage with you

These mistakes are the two most common and certain ways to make sure your love life will go nowhere fast with men, even when you have the best of intentions and just want to find a great guy to love and love you back.

There’s a simple truth you need to know…

If you don’t know how attraction works for a man, and how it works differently than how it works for most women, then you’re going to end up running in circles trying to do what you think will work.

And in your attempts at getting a man to like you and want to be with you, you’re going to end up pushing him away since he’ll see you as desperate, needy, clingy, or just plain overly emotional.

The worst part is, there are a lot of really great, smart women who actually know on a conscious level about these mistakes… but they just can’t help but make these same mistakes over and over anyway.

Yet some women seem to have a more natural knack for talking to men, getting their interest, and having men see them as “cool” and desirable. They have a way of being able to AVOID these mistakes and are NEVER seen as desperate, too needy, or generally UNATTRACTIVE when it comes to how they act and feel on an emotional level around men.

The great news is that you can become a “natural” at creating that deeper and more LASTING ATTRACTION with a man. Here’s how:

Maybe I am uncertain that I hold the knowledge of “Emotional Attraction in a man”.  I am fearful that I come across as one of those horrid overly emotional, desperate, overly needy women CC is talking about.
What could possibly be the secret?
Any guesses?
I also dislike that CC’s “program” suggests that some formula must be followed or some game played and that men may be “caught”.  This is all plain disgusting in my view.  It is the “game playing” and falsehoods that we inject into courtships that create long-term relationships on false grounds that eventually topple.
He also implies that there is something wrong with the woman- that she needs to change her behavior or herself to please men.  Seriously?  Everyone should rise to the challenge of self-improvement and growth but to suggest that where one is on their path is wrong is well, wrong.
In fact, now that I think about it, I have known many women who were quite desperate, needy and overly emotional who found mates and still have them.  Obviously they were doing something other than following CC’s program.

2 responses »

  1. Great point… I am in this situation right now. I have been divorced for 3 years, dating a great lady and we have a great time together and the sex is mind-blowing. However, I just don’t have that gut-twisting love that I am looking for. This is a real dilemma in my age group. What if I never get this close to finding “the one” again???? Do I just close my eyes and hope my “like” will grow into “love”? Given the misery that I left in my marriage, I know that nothing can replace or be a substitute for that burning desire to be with a great partner. CC is a real dick for suggesting that your man be “caught”! Ladies, please don’t try to fake us out, our task is hard enough when dealing with honest emotions!

  2. Hey Jeff,

    Good to hear that you have found someone great to date. The first question I have is how long have you been dating this woman? It could be that there does need to be a little time to grow that “gut-twisting love” that you are looking for. In the mean time, you might consider going off on your own for a few days to meditate on what it is about this relationship that is lacking for you- to get in touch with YOUR feelings. Is this a block you are creating out of fear of being hurt again or is it really something that makes you incompatible.

    The “age group” comment cracks me up, however. Men in your “age group” have the pick of women from the mid thirties and up to the oldest living single woman. That is a vast pool loaded with possibilities. You remind me of a woman I once knew who was married three times and thrice divorced. Each time she married she told me, “Well, I figured this was my last chance.” LOL!!! How many last chances can one have? That’s like how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie-Pop – it is, to an extent, determined by the consumer. [Please know that I almost put a suggestive comment about large Tootsie-Pops in this spot but restrained my inner bad comedian. Be grateful.]

    For me, dating is like shopping (which I hate). If the garment/man is not 100% right then I leave it/him in the store regardless of the cost. I have learned from experience buying clothing that if there is something fundamentally wrong (fit, color, cut, style, feel or how I feel in it emotionally) I will end up tossing it (actually consigning it or donating it to Goodwill) anyway. It is less expensive to just not buy it in the first place.

    Thanks for reading,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s