At this moment it might be appropriate to go into all of the reasons why I should not become sexually involved with a 24 year old man. I am almost 22 years older (Ricardo pointed out that his birthday is in August making him almost 25 this means that there is mere 21 year difference for the six months before my February Birthday- a rather ridiculous point considering.) In Richmond this is just flat out unacceptable because it implies that my intentions are strictly lecherous and not marriage oriented which is a big “no-no” in Southern conservative society. The last time I dated a 24 year old man I was 20. The whole thing smacks of “taking advantage of someone so young”. I am fearful of the lack of responsibility a young bon vivant might be capable of concerning sexual health. I use no birth control as my soon-to-be-ex husband (it is only a matter of weeks until the divorce is final) has had a vesectomy and it has not been a issue for over ten years. There is the fear of being taken advantage of- will he sleep with just anything? I know he has already had several lovers in the month he has been in Spain and he has no intention of changing that pattern regardless of the level of my physical interaction with him. Then there are the purely vain reasons: why would someone so young who could have any tight assed smooth skinned young hot thing want a woman who has had two children and the battle scars to show for it? If I do decide to get naked with this man will he run away screaming in disgust from my stretch marks and less than perky breasts? Lastly and most importantly, we have an established a sort of professional mentorship and a budding friendship and I don’t want to screw that up with any weird emotional issue crap because we lost our heads in Spain and had sex. Remember, I have no idea where this man’s head is.
Now for the reasons why I should. He is interested. He is amazingly sensual. Why should I allow myself to be limited by other people’s ideas of what is right or wrong. I’m in Spain for god’s sake, where no one cares if a woman has a lover half her age. We are both adults and if we mutually agree on what we are doing and the parameters what difference does it make? Maybe I should just let Ricardo decide what he wants rather than patronize him.
Back at the hotel I hardly sleep. That kiss is played repeatedly in my mind filling me with questions making me toss and turn. The industrial noise surrounding the hotel does not help.