Making Time

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In the age of instant communication, everyone is busy.  I get that.  I am busy too.  As a single mom who works two jobs, exercises regularly, has an active social life, attends many cultural events, pursues a few hobbies (salsa dancing, hiking, cooking, Downton Abbey), is heading up a major fundraising event and a child who lives at home with many interests and friends sometimes I feel like I barely have time to breath. In spite of all that, if I am interested in someone, I make time to spend with them and I expect that in reverse.

However, I have noticed in my pursuit of romance, that there is a brand of single person who claims a desire to have a mate but lacks the room in his schedule to accommodate one.  You know the person, you meet them and then it takes weeks to get together because they have so much going on.  Then between their demanding full-time job, work travel, Marathon training schedule, night classes, volunteer and civic obligations, band practice, guys/girls night out and season tickets (and perhaps spending time with their kids from a previous relationship) they can pencil you in for a 30 minute coffee here or a quick dinner there.  After three dates over two months, you fail to determine how you will ever fit into their life – or he into yours.

The most amusing thing about these people is how emphatic they are about wanting someone with whom to spend time yet they have organized their life in a way as to prohibit any real connection.  It takes personal time to get to know someone- not just texts and emails.  It also takes time to get to know yourself so that you will be worthy of a relationship with someone else.  If you run across someone like this in your relationship search my advice is to explain your expectations up front.  If they give you an answer like, “Once I am done with night school in six weeks, I will have more time to pursue a relationship.” Then you can ask them to call you in six weeks.  If the interest is really there, they will remember.  In the mean time you can be meeting other people who are actually have the time.

 

 

 

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