“Now is the winter of our discontent…”. These are the opening words to William Shakespeare’s Richard III and using the “royal” use of “our”, describes my mood this time of year. It is mid winter here in Virginia. The end of January. My Birthday approaches, the days are short, usually cloudy and cold. I, who must have descended from hibernating animals, want to stay ensconced in my cave and sleep until spring, grumpy, unfit and unwanting of company for the most part. And as recent events would dictate, that is probably what I should do.
You see, I am having trouble with the men I am meeting who have never been married. They seem to have a total lack of understanding that as a single mother, my time for dating is very limited and that planning is key to successful dating in my world right now. I guess that when you make it to mid-life being the sole consideration for how you spend your time, the concept of planning ahead is so foreign that it is difficult if not impossible to fathom.
Case in Point:
I have a friend who has been trying to set me up with a very good- looking, never-been-married, straight man. I met this man recently and we took a shine to each other. I knew from the start that he was not long-term material but I wanted to get to know him better anyway. This is against everything I have been saying on this blog about not waisting time with men you already know are unsuitable for you but it has now been over a year since I have had sex with a living thing and I am beginning to reconsider the concept of having a lover for the sake of simply having one- an old habit I should drop, I know, but very tempting at this juncture nonetheless. And this man is nice looking and showed some interest in me so there you have it.
At any rate…
He starts texting and flirting and we talk on the phone etc. We have dinner one night and he seems quite keen on seeing me again. I explain that as a single mom, I must plan things out because my grown-up playtime is limited and he asks me to let him know when we might get together next. He works out of town during the week which limits dates to weekends. On a Sunday he asks about the following weekend. I check my calendar and on Monday tell him I am open for the coming weekend and if he is available I would take him to see a show I am reviewing on Sat. night. He says he would like to get together. On Tuesday we chat, he remembers a boys golf trip the coming weekend that has been in the planning stages for months but maybe he can change his plans and he will let me know if he is available. Wednesday a few texts nothing special. I have failed to get a friend to go with me to the show so I change my plans to attend an event with friends instead. I do not communicate this information to MR. NBM. Thursday nothing from Mr. NBM. Friday he is supposed to be leaving for his guys trip. I get an obscure text from him, “Yeah. With my folks.” I am unsure what this means but there is no follow up so I assume he means his buddies BECAUSE if his plans changed he would have let me know as per our agreement. Saturday night. Event begins at 8:00pm. Mr. NBM texts at 8:02pm, “On my way to ES (“ES” denotes the letters standing for the name of the venue at which the event was being held.) . What are you up to?”. This is hilarious because if I had gone to the theatre, which was the plan he and I discussed, the show would be starting and my phone turned off and not receiving texts. It is also hilarious because there has been zero previous discussion about his being in town or about the event so for all he knew I had no knowledge of the event therefore would have no plan to go. In fact this begs the question: How would I possibly know what the heck he was talking about when I was unaware even of what state he was in? (Apologies for ending a sentence with a preposition.) 8:15pm I spot Mr. NBM at event. 8:20pm: I walk up to Mr. NBM and say, “How is the golf trip going? It is too bad that you decided to ignore our agreement to communicate a change in plans because I was really looking forward to having sex with you but now that is NEVER EVER going to happen. And that is a damn shame.” His response, said in a half apologetic half joking manner, “I texted you that I was coming here tonight.”
Seriously?! Two minutes after the event start time he texts me something without any reference to his even being in town?
Nope, dear readers, you cannot make this shit up. This is real life. Fact is stranger than fiction.
All I can say is that I am grateful to be reminded of my quest and put back on track for finding the right man rather than a right now man.