I know I have blogged about this before but a recent event has prompted me to re-pose this question:
Why do attached people sign up for online dating sites and represent themselves as single?
It is hard enough to find single people to date when one is in the middle of life. Do you attached folks really have to dive into our pool and make things difficult for those of us who actively want to stay out of trouble? for those of us who are actually, purposefully seeking a long-term mate?
I know there are plenty of single, involved or married people out there who would love to meet up with you attached people and have all sorts of fun – and that is fine as long as you are all honest with each other about your status and what you want from a relationship with each other. But could we PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE end the misrepresentation and lying?
You wonderful regular readers are probably wondering what incident set me off this time. Well, I am so looking forward to sharing this one….
Last Sunday morning the weather here in Central Virginia was disgusting so I hunkered down in my cozy bed (my favorite place in the world) did some writing and caught up on emails. There were a few SPAM emails that had slipped through and one was for an online dating site that specializes in matching people over 50 called Our Time. Just for giggles I decided to pop on, fill out a cursory profile and take a gander at what is out there in my geographic area. (If you would like to read about the last time I did something like this click here.) I am scrolling through the multiple photos of moustached men in flannel shirts and cowboy hats sitting on tractors (pretty funny since this is Virginia, not Kansas) and a rather poorly exposed photo of what seems to be a good-looking man catches my eye. “Hmmmm,” thought I, “This man looks vaguely familiar.” But I can’t really see his face so I open up his profile and commence reading his self-description. The words are all too familiar. I have heard them before from a specific person. I double-check the photo and discover two more pics. I click. Low and behold it is Mr. Nice Change of Pace from last spring (click here to read first “date” story and here to discover the outcome).
I am flabbergasted.
As far as any mutual friends know Mr. Nice Change of Pace and his girlfriend remain a couple – at least as of a few weeks ago.
So this question immediately pops into my head:
a) Is Mr. Nice Change of Pace the honest, sweet, thoughtful man I thought he was/think he is?
b) Is he a cad that seeks the attention, company and affection of other women behind his girlfriend’s back?
Since the girlfriend has clearly indicated she is uninterested in me contacting her (and frankly, I feel the same way), I will have to trust that the Universe will divulge the answer to this query at the appropriate time.
Which brings me back to…
People who lie about their relationship status ruin the game for honest folks. It complicates online dating, creating a dangerous environment requiring all manner of caution that inhibits one’s ability to be open to possibilities. There are countless sad stories of people getting unknowingly involved with married men or women from meeting online and suffering the consequences.
There are sites for attached people who want to hook up with other people and the people who want to hook up with them. Fox Business News did a story about them. Click here for a link to that story.
I invite attached people to just go to those sits and stay off sites meant for single people. Then we might all be a little happier. 🙂
Disclaimer: I am not suggesting that Mr. Nice Change of Pace is unavailable at this time or that he is a dishonest person. I have no definitive proof of his relationship status. I am only relating that I found his profile with 3 pictures that appear to be recent and a nicely written essay about himself, what he is looking for on a paid online dating service which prompted me to think about how often attached people sign up on dating sites.