Quality vs Quantity

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Quality vs Quantity

Quality vs Quantity

I am feeling compelled at this time to repeat some advice to people considering divorce:  STOP BLAMING THE OTHER PERSON AND WORK ON YOURSELF! This advice does not apply to you if you are in an abusive situation (and that includes mental, physical or emotional abuse) or  are in a relationship with an addict – in these cases you should get out as soon as possible for your sake and the sake of your children if you have any.  But you other people who fantasize that once you are single again you will have ample opportunity to find someone else who is better than your current significant other – unless you know something I don’t- are plain wrong.

There is quantity out there, I’ll grant you that, but little quality.

Case in point:  I know a perfectly lovely woman who claims she has never had any trouble meeting men to date.  She has often made me jealous at parties with her claims of an endless string of men coming into her life.  Then one fateful night she (after a couple of cocktails) decided to share the wealth and began scrolling through her contacts like a modern day matchmaker to find me a potential mate.  She showed me picture after picture of overweight, t-shirt clad guys with beers in their hands, gun racks and deer heads on the walls behind them complete with stories like “He’s never been married but has two really cute kids.” or “I think his ex is still living in the same house with him.” I was unmoved. I thanked her for trying an apologized for being difficult.  I am sure these are all great guys who would be perfect for the right woman.  They are average American Men and that is the majority of what is available. Call me a snob, bitch or whatever but I am looking for something else. I am searching for Excellence.

And excellence is RARE.

You (like me) will have to turn a lot of stones to find someone fabulous and that takes time.

During that time as a “single person looking” you will have to work on yourself – which is exactly what you needed to do to re-spark  your marriage in the first place so it only makes sense to simply do the work while you are married and enjoy the changes that take place rather than going through all that mess and then trying to find someone else.

-Plus if you stay off the market it means less competition for me 😉

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One response »

  1. AND… I might add… in this more mature age group (50+) we are also concerned with complex issues of “the end”…. like long-term care, disability, etc. This adds to the pressure of a new relationship where we want that perfect (or near perfect) partner. So, as prepared and clear as I have become about ME, I continue to remain open to finding that great relationship which requires a lot of work between the ears. Starting from scratch is a pain-in-the-ass. Tick-tock, tick-tock.

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