Over the years I have heard many people complain about past or current relationships often blaming the actions or characteristics of another person for their unhappiness. So many people have complained to me about their partners or ex partners it sometimes seems like an epidemic. What I have learned from all this whining is this: I cannot help these people to feel better. Indeed there is no one who can help them outside of themselves so now when someone complains to be about their partner or previous partner(s) I know that the only way they will ever get over the blaming disease to work on themselves.
How does one do that?
Get into therapy or a twelve step program, begin a real yoga practice including meditation, get regular massages, pursue some creative activity just for the pleasure of it, try something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t allowed yourself to do, travel to a foreign country, start exercising if you don’t already (that could mean walking down stairs rather than taking the elevator – just get moving), clean out that junk room, overstuffed closet and/or junk drawer, get some energy work done, shed guilt, start paying attention to who you are, what you like and how you like it, learn your communication style and change it if it fails to serve you, start telling the truth if you are a lier, assess your own actions, learn to forgive others and yourself, start adding healthier foods to your diet, assess your relationships and drop any dead weight, give up the idea that material things or money will bring you happiness, spend more time doing things that bring you joy and with people who energize you, and most importantly learn to breathe.
If you must spend time with people who bring you down make an escape plan in advance, set boundaries and stick to them and remember that all people are our teachers.
It is only by improving you that you will improve you relationships because YOU are the ONLY person who can make you happy or unhappy as the case might be. Other people are just other people who only possess power over your emotions if you allow it. I promise you that once you love yourself and learn to make your own happiness, other people’s issues, habits, problems and actions will fail to trigger you.