Last night I was “chatting” via cell phone with X2 about this weekend’s pick up and drop off arrangements for our daughter. It was late for such a call, around 10:15pm and the conversation was caught in a loop and a suitable compromise was eluding us so the call was dragging out a bit. At about 10:38pm I ended the conversation as he began to spew out a rather un-charming string of derogatory statements – not uncommon behavior for him.and perhaps one reason we are divorced. (I have come to realize that his words are actually all about him rather than me and so I simply hang up when he goes there. Childish behavior on my part perhaps but it seems to be effective – I don’t hear him and he gets the message that he has gone too far.)
I cross the room to put the phone down on my bedside table then look towards the dresser to begin contemplating which pajamas would best suit the anticipated night time temperature. I notice something black on the wall extending form one of the log beams that crosses the room and intersects with the wall (directly over the spot where I had been standing while talking on the phone) to the top of the window sill about a foot away.
This is the spot on my bedroom wall where the black think was resting.
The black thing is thicker than a television cable, had a very faint sheen and pattern to it, sort of like a bicycle tire. I thought it odd that I had failed to notice it before and took a few steps closer to get a better look. The fatter part of it was resting on the edge of the window’s interior frame, a two pieces of wood that slant upwards into a triangle at the center point. Then the black thing tapered to a point sticking up at the beam. Two more steps closer and my brain registered that I was looking at the tail of a black snake! IN MY BEDROOM!!!
I was raised in the suburbs and the city. I am unaccustomed to snakes IN my living space. I suspected for a long time that a snake might come into the kitchen at some point to eat the mice causing me to open cabinets slowly and peer in before grasping anything but I had failed to consider that a snake might want to “hang” out in my bedroom.
I had no idea what to do. I dislike snakes as a rule because I have very little experience handling them . Should I try to get it out? Should I touch it? Where will it go? It is obviously interested in food and will go away when it discovers there is none in here but if I try to sleep in my bed will it curl up with me for warmth? AGGHHH!
I go get my 12 year old daughter who is ironically still awake. I show her the snake which is now slithering across the wall, deftly balancing on what little part of a horizontal log sticks out from the plaster. It is moving along the wall towards my bed. She is unimpressed and asks if I am planning to sleep in my bed. ABSOLUTELY NOT!
She groggily returned to her own room after offering to let me sleep in her bed- very sweet- but it is impossible to sleep with her because she fidgets all night long and often talks in her sleep.
I recall the scene in the film version of Under the Tuscan Sun where the heroine sees a snake go into her bedroom window and calls the only man she knows in town, an attorney(?), to inspect the room to potentially rid it of the snake. Who could I call? Then landlord? He would think I am nuts. I can here him tell me it is just part of country life.
I opt to text my friend Juan who lives 60+ miles away and grew up in New York City and would have no possible idea on what to do even if he were here.
“There is a snake in my bedroom. Ugh!”, I text.
then I add, “No tasteless jokes, please.”
He responds, “Name him Freud.”
Very funny, Juan.
I then realize that this phallic symbol is the closest thing to a penis that has been in my bedroom for quite some time and that is a little depressing. But then I think I would rather it be this way than to get all sexually involved with someone who is wrong for me and have all the drama in my life that surrounds that. Sex is great and I enjoy it as much as anyone but it really isn’t that great without an emotional attachment and trust. Those things can only come with time.
I am happy to say that I misspent my youth by being reckless and enjoying many lovers. Happy because all that jumping into bed without really knowing someone first garbage is out of my system. There is nothing uglier, in my opinion, than someone trying to experience that sort of thing in the middle of life. We should want more. Be more loving of ourselves and respectful of other people. Of course, each person is on their own path and it is wrong of me to judge anyone but for me I would rather be alone at this time.
I left “Freud” alone in my bedroom with the door closed. I slept on the couch wakening periodically and using my trusty iPhone light to scan the room ceiling beams all throughout the night. We just weren’t acquainted well enough in my opinion to be sleeping in the same room together.