Category Archives: What I want

A new attempt at writing a personal ad



If you have been following Dating By Committee you are probably familiar with my experiences (and have a full understanding why I am not on any online dating sites).


Steve Harvey’s advice on setting standards up front to weed out the throw back men from the keepers has inspired me to maybe, just maybe, try it again.

This time instead of writing some lovely romantic narrative on what I like and how fabulous I am, I will write up something much more frank.

It could look like an Audition notice and read something like this:


Seeking adult male  to take on the permanent role of  SUPERMAN  in a long running improvisational production entitled, RESPECT THE GODDESS.

Men seeking this once-in-a-lifetime, plumb role should be 40 + years of age (or  really mature if under 40) , enjoy children, have established careers that they enjoy, positive attitudes, a clear life plan, comfortable with improvisation and  be in good mental and physical health.

Auditionees should be able to jump into an established ongoing production with one adult actress who plays multiple roles (Writer/Mother/ Lover/Goddess),one adult male (college aged son who drops in occasionally) and one young female (tween-aged girl) with the rare visit from Stella the hilarious yet aging Bull Terrier.  Other cast members include: Family who live out-of-town, a parcel of fun/interesting Friends from varying nationalities and backgrounds,  the school fundraising committee, writing colleagues, the Quaker Friends a host of artists of varying mediums, some yogis/yoginis and 2 former actors who lost the privilege of playing this role.

The actor cast will be required to provide some cast meals so you should be able to cook or pay for healthy take-out or restaurants and be able to clean or afford to hire a cleaning service.

Dancing is a plus.

WARNING: Nudity will be required IF you are cast (The Director reserves the right to review serious candidates at her discretion).

The lucky actor cast  will receive the following benefits:

  • love
  • loyalty
  • support
  • intelligent conversation
  • a well managed home
  • a willing traveling partner
  • tickets to cultural events
  • lots of laughs mixed in with the regular stuff
  • an amusing insider’s view of the creative process
  • special attention from a sought after goddess
If interested: send a resume and a brief description of why you think you should be considered for this role.
So what do you think? Anything I should add, delete or otherwise?






Name Him Freud


Sigmund Freud

Last night I was “chatting” via cell phone with X2 about this weekend’s pick up and drop off arrangements for our daughter.   It was late for such a call, around 10:15pm and the conversation was caught in a loop and a suitable compromise was eluding us so the call was dragging out a bit.  At about 10:38pm I ended the conversation as he began to spew out a rather un-charming string of derogatory statements  – not uncommon behavior for him.and perhaps one reason we are divorced.  (I have come to realize that his words are actually all about him rather than me and so I simply hang up when he goes there. Childish behavior on my part perhaps but it seems to be effective – I don’t hear him and he gets the message that he has gone too far.)

I cross the room to put the phone down on my bedside table then look towards the dresser  to begin contemplating which pajamas would best suit the anticipated night time temperature.  I notice something black on the wall extending form one of the log beams that crosses the room and intersects with the wall  (directly over the spot where I had been standing while talking on the phone) to the top of the window sill about  a foot away.

This is the spot  on my bedroom wall where the black think was resting.

The black thing is thicker than a television cable, had a very faint sheen and pattern to it, sort of like a bicycle tire.  I thought it odd that I had failed to notice it before and took a few steps closer to get a better look.  The fatter part of it was resting on the edge of the window’s interior frame, a two pieces of wood that slant upwards into a triangle at the center point.  Then the black thing tapered to a point sticking up at the beam.  Two more steps closer and my brain registered that I was looking at the tail of a black snake! IN MY BEDROOM!!!

I was raised in the suburbs and the city.  I am unaccustomed to snakes IN my living space.  I suspected for a long time that a snake might come into the kitchen at some point to eat the mice causing me to open cabinets slowly and peer in before grasping anything but I had failed to consider that a snake might want to “hang” out in my bedroom.

I had no idea what to do.  I dislike snakes as a rule because I have very little experience handling them .  Should I try to get it out?  Should I touch it? Where will it go?  It is obviously interested in food and will go away when it discovers there is none in here but if I try to sleep in my bed will it curl up with me for warmth?  AGGHHH!

I go get my 12 year old daughter who is ironically still awake.  I show her the snake which is now slithering across the wall, deftly balancing on what little part of a horizontal log sticks out from the plaster.  It is moving along the wall towards my bed.  She is unimpressed and asks if I am planning to sleep in my bed.  ABSOLUTELY NOT!

She groggily returned to her own room after offering to let me sleep in her bed- very sweet- but it is impossible to sleep with her because she fidgets all night long and often talks in her sleep.

I recall the scene in the film version of Under the Tuscan Sun where the heroine sees a snake go into her bedroom window and calls the only man she knows in town, an attorney(?), to inspect the room to potentially rid it of the snake.  Who could I call?  Then landlord?  He would think I am nuts.  I can here him tell me it is just part of country life.

I opt to text my friend Juan who lives 60+ miles away and grew up in New York City and would have no possible idea on what to do even if he were here.

“There is a snake in my bedroom. Ugh!”, I text.

then I add, “No tasteless jokes, please.”

He responds, “Name him Freud.”

Very funny, Juan.

I then realize that this phallic symbol is the closest thing to a penis that has been in my bedroom  for quite some time and that is a little depressing. But then I think I would rather it be this way than to get all sexually involved with someone who is wrong for me and have all the drama in my life that surrounds that.  Sex is great and I enjoy it as much as anyone but it really isn’t that great without an emotional attachment and trust.  Those things can only come with time.

I am happy to say that I misspent my youth by being reckless and enjoying many lovers.  Happy because all that jumping into bed without really knowing someone first garbage is out of my system.  There is nothing uglier, in my opinion, than someone trying to experience that sort of thing in the middle of life. We should want more.  Be more loving of ourselves and respectful of other people.  Of course, each person is on their own path and it is wrong of me to judge anyone but for me I would rather be alone at this time.

I left “Freud” alone in my bedroom with the door closed.  I slept on the couch wakening periodically and using my trusty iPhone light to scan the room ceiling beams  all throughout the night.  We just weren’t acquainted well enough in my opinion to be sleeping in the same room together.

Mr. Right?


In order to find what you are looking for you must first know what it is.  Makes sense, right?  So part of this exercise is for me to figure out what I want, yet the DBT needs to let me know what they think I need as well.  After all, if I wanted what was right for me in the past, I may not be in the position of needing a Dating Brain Trust now.

So I will do my part and start the conversation going by writing up a little description of what I am looking for in a long-term love relationship.

In order to accomplish this task, I used model provided by Charlotte Kasl (I know, you probably think I read nothing else) which invites one to examine their wants via eight characteristics.  The following list is quoted from her book If the Buddha Dated (p.76):

  1. physical/material: looks, status, age, education money
  2. Intellect: level of intelligence, use of intelligence and wisdom
  3. Interests: hobbies, work, leisure time
  4. Values/lifestyle: religion, number of children, child-rearing beliefs
  5. Psychological/emotional: capacity for intimacy, emotional maturity
  6. Creativity/passion: playfulness, talents, level of energy and joy
  7. Spirituality: commitment to a path of truth, integrity, and service
  8. Essence: the ability to flow from love, truth, goodness and power




Firstly she asks that you review all of the above listed categories and write exactly what you want, your dream mate in great detail.  I will not bore you with my very long essay because Kasl then takes one through the process of melting that down to only a few words, then one word.

I will share some of this with you here:

The Man for Me:

In 50 words

He is handsome and fit. Caring, compassionate, generous, affectionate, creative, honest, seeks to improve himself and the world around him, is a good father and an excellent communicator, believes in Buddhist/ Quaker principles, enjoys the arts, outdoors, and has a matching energy level, a quiet sleeper.


10 words

healthy in mind and spirit, articulate, affectionate, lover of life


5 words

honest, healthy, articulate, affectionate, adventurous


1 word

pilgrim (?)

Your thoughts DBT?  What do you think I need or should want in a man?  Have I missed something incredibly obvious?