Category Archives: You Can’t Make This Shit Up

A Search Request: You just can’t make this shit up

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My friend Jen on the Edge sent me a link to this article this morning and I simply HAD to share it.  There is so much wrong with this method for searching for a mate (and apparently this man) that it is at least 10 life lessons waiting to happen.

The link I am sharing is to MarcEnsign who writes social media blogs.  According to his preamble he actually received the email in question out to a bunch of people met at a networking event.  click here to read Marc’s post. Read below for a piece of the email in question.

The email is question includes some interesting details about the surgeon who sent it, a list of what he is looking for in a mate and a manifest of rewards he is offering to anyone who can find a woman who meets his criteria and gets this guy a date with her.

I anticipate some good comments.

This is the section about compensation for anyone who finds a match for him:

please send me the parameters and picture of the potential setup, so i can say if i’m interested, before you start introducing us (otherwise it’s kind of awkward then saying that i’m not interested). if interested, i’m offering the following “thank-you gifts” for your kind help:

  • first date set up: $100 cash
  • second date (with either same person, indicating a better match, or a 2nd person): +$200 or free latisse worth $300
  • third date (again can be w same person): + $300 or free botox worth $500
  • 4th date (w same or diff person): + $400 or free Juvederm injections worth $900
  • 5th date (same conditions): + 500 cash or 1 eye free LASEK worth $2000:)

Recently I heard of a family being awarded the use of a beach house for the week as a “thank you” for the owner being set up with a friend of the wife.  Is this a common practice?  Should I step out of the search and start setting people up?  Is it that lucrative a business?

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I know I have blogged about this before but a recent event has prompted me to re-pose this question:

Why do attached people sign up for online dating sites and represent themselves as single?

It is hard enough to find single people to date when one is in the middle of life.  Do you attached folks really have to dive into our pool and make things difficult for those of us who actively want to stay out of trouble?  for those of us who are actually, purposefully seeking a long-term mate?

I know there are plenty of single, involved or married people out there who would love to meet up with you attached people and have all sorts of fun – and that is fine as long as you are all honest with each other about your status and what you want from a relationship with each other. But could we PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE end the misrepresentation and lying?

You wonderful regular readers are probably wondering what incident set me off this time.  Well, I am so looking forward to sharing this one….

Last Sunday morning the weather here in Central Virginia was disgusting so I hunkered down in my cozy bed (my favorite place in the world) did some writing and caught up on emails.  There were a few SPAM emails that had slipped through and one was for an online dating site that specializes in matching people over 50 called Our Time.  Just for giggles I decided to pop on, fill out a cursory profile and take a gander at what is out there in my geographic area. (If you would like to read about the last time I did something like this click here.) I am scrolling through the multiple photos of moustached men in flannel shirts and cowboy hats sitting on tractors (pretty funny since this is Virginia, not Kansas) and a rather poorly exposed photo of what seems to be a good-looking man catches my eye.  “Hmmmm,” thought I, “This man looks vaguely familiar.”  But I can’t really see his face so I open up his profile and commence reading his self-description.  The words are all too familiar.  I have heard them before from a specific person. I double-check the photo and discover two more pics.  I click. Low and behold it is Mr. Nice Change of Pace from last spring (click here to read first “date” story and here to discover the outcome).

I am flabbergasted.

As far as any mutual friends know Mr. Nice Change of Pace and his girlfriend remain a couple – at least as of a few weeks ago.

So this question immediately pops into my head:

a) Is Mr. Nice Change of Pace the honest, sweet, thoughtful man I thought he was/think he is?

OR

b) Is he a cad that seeks the attention, company and affection of other women behind his girlfriend’s back?

Since the girlfriend has clearly indicated she is uninterested in me contacting her (and frankly, I feel the same way), I will have to trust that the Universe will divulge the answer to this query at the appropriate time.

Which brings me back to…

People who lie about their relationship status ruin the game for  honest folks. It complicates online dating, creating a dangerous environment requiring all manner of caution that inhibits one’s ability to be open to possibilities.  There are countless sad stories of people getting unknowingly involved with married men or women from meeting online and suffering the consequences.

There are sites for attached people who want to hook up with other people and the people who want to hook up with them. Fox Business News did a story about them.  Click here for a link to that story.

I invite attached people to just go to those sits and stay off sites meant for single people. Then we might all be a little happier. 🙂

 

Disclaimer:  I am not suggesting that Mr. Nice Change of Pace is unavailable at this time or that he is a dishonest person. I have no definitive proof of his relationship status. I am only relating that I found his profile with 3 pictures that appear to be recent and a nicely written essay about himself, what he is looking for  on a paid online dating service which prompted me to think about how often attached people sign up on dating sites.

Batting a thousand: Part of “You Just Can’t Make This Shit Up” Series

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“Now is the winter of our discontent…”.  These are the opening words to William Shakespeare’s Richard III and using the “royal” use of “our”, describes my mood this time of year.  It is mid winter here in Virginia.  The end of January.  My Birthday approaches, the days are short, usually cloudy and cold.  I, who must have descended from hibernating animals, want to stay ensconced in my cave and sleep until spring, grumpy, unfit and unwanting of company for the most part.  And as recent events would dictate, that is probably what I should do.

You see, I am having trouble with the men I am meeting who have never been married.  They seem to have a total lack of understanding that as a single mother, my time for dating is very limited and that planning is key to successful dating in my world right now.  I guess that when you make it to mid-life being the sole consideration for how you spend your time, the concept of planning ahead is so foreign that it is difficult if not impossible to fathom.

Case in Point:

I have a friend who has been trying to set me up with a very good- looking, never-been-married, straight man.  I met this man recently and we took a shine to each other.  I knew from the start that he was not long-term material but I wanted to get to know him better anyway.  This is against everything I have been saying on this blog about not waisting time with men you already know are unsuitable for you but it has now been over a year since I have had sex with a living thing and I am beginning to reconsider the concept of having a lover for the sake of simply having one- an old habit I should drop, I know, but very tempting at this juncture nonetheless. And this man is nice looking and showed some interest in me so there you have it.

At any rate…

He starts texting and flirting and we talk on the phone etc. We have dinner one night and he seems quite keen on seeing me again.  I explain that as a single mom, I must plan things out because my grown-up playtime is limited and he asks me to let him know when we might get together next.  He works out of town during the week which limits dates to weekends.  On a Sunday he asks about the following weekend.  I check my calendar and on Monday tell him I am open for the coming weekend and if he is available I would take him to see a show I am reviewing on Sat. night.  He says he would like to get together.  On Tuesday we chat, he remembers a boys golf trip the coming weekend that has been in the planning stages for months but maybe he can change his plans and he will let me know if he is available. Wednesday a few texts nothing special. I have failed to get a friend to go with me to the show so I change my plans to attend an event with friends instead. I do not communicate this information to MR. NBM.  Thursday nothing from Mr. NBM. Friday he is supposed to be leaving for his guys trip.  I get an obscure text from him,  “Yeah. With my folks.”  I am unsure what this means but there is no follow up so I assume he means his buddies BECAUSE if his plans changed he would have let me know as per our agreement.  Saturday night. Event begins at 8:00pm.  Mr. NBM texts at 8:02pm, “On my way to ES (“ES” denotes the letters standing for the name of the venue at which the event was being held.) .  What are you up to?”.  This is hilarious because if I had gone to the theatre, which was the plan he and I discussed, the show would be starting and my phone turned off and not receiving texts.  It is also hilarious because there has been zero previous discussion about his being in town or about the event so for all he knew I had no knowledge of the event therefore would have no plan to go. In fact this begs the question: How would I possibly know what the heck he was talking about when I was unaware even of what state he was in? (Apologies for ending a sentence with a preposition.) 8:15pm I spot Mr. NBM at event.  8:20pm: I walk up to Mr. NBM and say, “How is the golf trip going? It is too bad that you decided to ignore our agreement to communicate a change in plans because I  was really looking forward to having sex with you but now that is NEVER EVER going to happen.  And that is a damn shame.”   His response, said in a half apologetic half joking manner, “I texted you that I was coming here tonight.”

Seriously?!  Two minutes after the event start time he texts me something without any reference to his even being in town?

Nope, dear readers, you cannot make this shit up.  This is real life. Fact is stranger than fiction.

All I can say is that I am grateful to be reminded of my quest and put back on track for finding the right man rather than a right now man.

You are just too Awesome!

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This post comes under the “You Can’t Make this Shit Up” category.

I was at THE HOOK Holiday Party last week, one of the best parties I have attended in a loooong time -Great mix of people, good food, excellent band – Love Cannon (80’s hits played in a bluegrass style) (pictured above).  Really, my friend “J” and I had a blast!  She kept saying, “Where have all these people been hiding?” and “Don’t you feel honored to be part of this crowd?”.  Yeah! like I am one of the beautiful people too.  It was totally fun!

Anyway…

My friend J is also a single mom and we met two other single moms who, like me, would be in the dating market if there was anyone we met worth dating.  We decided, just for party fun, to look around the crowd and point out any men that we would even be interested in meeting for a date if they were available.  While I was scanning the crowd, one of the women (I will refer to her as “Fuzzy” in homage to her fantastic white angora sweater) related this story:

Fuzzy met a great looking, funny, successful Scientist on an online dating site.  He lived in a town about an hour away from her town but that was OK with them.  They met, hit it off and were both eager to get together again.  They texted, emailed and chatted on the phone during the week or so between seeing each other again. Fuzzy excitedly sorted out the complicated arrangements for childcare for her two children so she could have a date and stay overnight in the town the man lived in.  Come the day of the date, she didn’t hear from him.  That seemed odd given the amount of communication that had transpired up to that point.  But she delivered her children to their weekend care givers and packed up her car anyway.  While on the road, she called him to let him know she was on her way.  He didn’t answer.  She left him a message indicating her confusion about the lack of communication and a desire for confirmation of the visit which they had been talking about all week including up to the day before.  He called her back and said their must be some misunderstanding and that it was not a good time for her to visit.  When she called him on the carpet for that ridiculous attempt to back out he caved and said, “You are just too awesome” followed by “I am mentally unwell”.

She turned her car around and never spoke to him again.

I just adore the “I am scared,” and the “You are just too good for me,” comments men make when if they were honest with you (and themselves) they would simply say, “I am sport fishing at this time and I could really fall for someone as fantastic as you are and that is not in my plan right now.  I wish to continue sleeping around with people who I could not possibly consider  a long term relationship because I __________.”

You can fill in the blank with hundreds of different answers like:

  • feel financially unstable
  • have slept with at least 20 more people
  • am mentally unstable
  • completely immature and unable to commit to anything real
  • fill in your own answers.

So here is my “You can’t make this shit up” story from that night:

After Fuzzy relates her story and we all have a good laugh, I point out three different men that I find interesting.  Two are married.  We can see their rings and wives as they walk past.  The third guy is speaking to Hawes Spencer, the owner and Chief Editor of THE HOOK.  Fuzzy searches his left hand.  No ring.  Seeing the perfect op to be introduced. I saunter over to Hawes to thank him for the fabulous party.  My scheme works and Hawes, being a well-mannered Richmond boy at heart, introduces us.  We start a pleasant conversation then Fuzzy fetches me to go to the bar.  As I excuse myself, he (I will call him Kringle because it it near Christmas and his eyes sparkled) asks if I will return to continue our conversation.  I say that I will and he replies with an engaging smile, “Good, I would enjoy that.”

I am melting.  A good-looking, quite possibly single man is indicating interest. It is the holiday season!

Fuzzy and I get champagne and go back to our spot with our other friends near Kringle and he is talking to a very attractive woman.  I stand behind him with my posse and we debate what I should do.  It is unanimous.  Get over there and join the conversation.  I do and it turns out she is a co-worker.  After a few minutes of what I think is charming party banter, I see some other friends and excuse myself to chat with them for a moment.  When I look back at Kringle a few minutes later, he is surrounded by six women.  I decide that if he is really interested in me he will seek me out.  I go back to my girls.  We chat some more.  He leaves the bevy, walks up to me and tells me he is on his way to the bar and could he bring me a drink.  He sought me out.  I am pleased. He goes off to the bar and I wait for a few minutes with my friends and we decide to go get our picture taken.  He can find me if he likes, right.  Roughly 30 minutes later, J is ready to leave and so we go to get our coats which are in a coat check just passed the downstairs bar.  As I am pulling on my coat, I see Kringle standing next to the bar in a circle of people chatting away. He sees me, his face assuming a sheepish facade.  I walk over to say goodbye.  We shake hands with a couple of “nice to meet you’s”, he apologizes and that is it.  He fails to ask for my number.

I am confused.

I have been in situations where I am standing in a circle of people talking at a party and had someone ask to bring me a drink out of politeness, leave and not come back (which is rude but whatever) BUT I have never had someone make an effort to ask – as in walk over from somewhere else- then not return.  Ugh! It seems like it is just my luck these days.  The one guy I am interested in that is possibly available out of a crowd containing maybe 123 men and he flakes out.

Then to top it off, I was actually disappointed!  What is up with that?  Someone is rude to me, clearly their actions indicate that they are not really interested and I am disappointed that they didn’t ask for my number?  That is messed up!  AND I want to believe that he was just sidetracked by his friends (as I would be after a couple of drinks).  Ha!  Already making excuses for him.  No wonder I end up in these F@$#ed up relationships, right.  At least I am becoming conscious of my behavior. That must be a step in the right direction anyway.

Result: The dating vacation continues..

The good news is, I had a complete recovery from the Kringle episode. I had my ego amply fed over the two following nights as I was fawned over in my hometown while performing at a two night charity event. Nothing like being adored by many to make you feel better about being dissed by one.

 

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Me (in Dolce & Gabana loaner) with Patty Cakes of RAWFL at Hamaganza 2012, a benefit for Feed More.