Tag Archives: B6

I am a moron

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So last Thursday night I went to an women’s basketball game with B6.  I sort of invited myself, as I may have told you, because I had emailed him an invite and when I didn’t hear anything back I realized I had sent it to the wrong email address – one of his but one he rarely checks.  Because one day he may find the invite, I sent a message to the email he does check explaining the situation but that now I had to un-invite him but would he make good on the raincheck to see a women’s b-ball game.

So I arranged for childcare and met him at 6:15pm at a sports bar to have a drink before the game.  He had explained that he had some event to attend before hand so we should meet there before a 7:00pm game time.  I hadn’t thought about the implications for eating dinner in regards to this odd timing until late afternoon and then I was busy and didn’t eat anything before meeting him. I don’t have his phone number so I couldn’t call to find out and it was too late to email.  I prayed that he had some plan because me and alcohol on an empty stomach is not pretty.

When I arrived he gave me a hug and big smile then the night just got weird.  I know I have some pretty important things in common with this man like a similar spiritual belief system, we are both into exercise, and he enjoys live theatre but we never seem to talk about any of that stuff.What we do talk about are two of his passions – running and sports – two subjects I have actively avoided throughout my life.

His eyes kind of glazed over when, at one point, I changed the subject to something stupid like how I had struggled with what to wear to a women’s basketball game.  He is a straight man of a certain age after all.

Anyway…

I made some stupid gaffs over the course of the evening and try as I might, I had a hard time wrapping my brain around the game.  I was so drained from trying to be interested in what was happening on the court that afterwards when he invited me to join him at a different sports bar to watch the end of a men’s college basketball game, I had to decline.  I felt that I could not try to hold a conversation with a man who had one eyeball on the television.

When I got in my car to go home I knew he would not be contacting me again.  He sped off before I was seat belted in.

I emailed him after a few days to thank him for taking me to the game but haven’t heard a peep from him.  Nor has there been any contact from B4.

My ego is bruised.  I am a little forlorn and feel that I need to give this dating thing up for a while and concentrate on creating a career for myself.

My committee is all but evaporated ( a genuine “thank you” to the few of you who have kept up and commented).

But I have learned some things through this process already. Namely:

  1. Most of my friends and family, even though they thought it would be a hoot to give their honest two cents have , in practice, learned that they are uncomfortable with that.
  2. In an effort to keep these men anonymous I leave out important details that may sway the DBT’s opinions.
  3. I really don’t need a committee.  No one can know what my heart feels except me and no one else can possibly know the unique journey I am on.  My friends and family want to protect me from harm and hardship because they love me but it is through those things that I learn, grow and become a better person.  Most people would have warned me against marrying my second husband. Some claim that they did but I just failed to hear them.  But even though our marriage ended in divorce, he was right for me in that being in a relationship with an alcoholic made me grow in ways I may not have otherwise. Yes, it SUCKED at times but that pain was the impetus for finding my spiritual path, learning to meditate and practice yoga- priceless gifts that may have eluded me otherwise. Life with wasband #2 also taught me new tricks like detachment with love, acceptance, forgiveness, how to truly love someone despite their faults and that it is important to make major decisions from a place of peace and love rather than anger and resentment.
  4. I am not ready for the kind of relationship I want.  I am self-centered, judgmental, overly emotional and equate not getting my way with rejection.  I have a lot more work to do before I am have the proper tools to forge a lasting, loving, satisfying partnership with a man. Plus I need to get my financial house in order which entails centering my career path. I want to be in a real partnership rather than a dependent situation.

Door number 3 had summed it up pretty nicely in the beginning of this whole thing when he said I should just wait and when the time is right it will come to me. So for now I am taking a break and focusing on other things.  I will put my energy into finding a better self and pursuing more study of various disciplines of yoga, Buddhism, and the keys to successful relationships.

I will continue this blog as I continue to learn about relationships and life, something about the journey to make myself a better person.

Who knows?  Right now I am tired and want to work on me.

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On a roll: B6 second date and meet B7

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My darling daughter has been out of town for the past week scuba diving in Mexico with her father.  I was planning to take some time to relax, work on my end of the year accounting and generally chill but failed miserably.  Instead I began the time of being single without the mom part attached by going to dinner and a show with B4.  It was a perfectly fine evening but somehow I found myself getting inexplicably irritated about 3/4 of the way through.   He is really nice but might be a bit to eager to “be right for me” rather than just be himself.  Anyway dinner was delish, he is great at choosing restaurants.

On Friday and Saturday night I performed in a charity benefit and on Sunday made my way to DC to visit a dear woman friend and meet up with B7, someone I grew up with and with whom I recently connected.  We spent two fun filled days in DC (separate hotel rooms and no hanky panky- seriously).  He is financially secure, sarcastically funny, a professional and is very accommodating.  We went to the Shakespeare Theatre to see “Much Ado About Nothing” (which was fantastic), out to 1789 for dinner, The Four Seasons for a glass of bubbles, the next day went for a long walk, saw some art, skated on the mall, dined at Martins (wonderful oyster stew) and had our Tarot cards read.  It was a fun way to get to know each other.  He definitely shows care for what I care about but I am unsure if the communication piece is truly there and I am a little concerned about the role of alcohol in his life. He is also technically still married which makes me very uncomfortable at this time though I have made it clear that we can only be friends without benefits until a signed separation agreement is produced and if it is appropriate for me at that time to change that status.

Wednesday I had lunch (second date) with B6.  I was very tired as I had little sleep on Tuesday night but he was lovely.  I really like his even keeled manner and the way he talks about his two children (he has a son and a daughter, both in their 20’s).  He also is involved in some major community service. This man intrigues me because he is clear in his communication (so far), and complex.  He has a strong spiritual side that is compatible with my beliefs but is perhaps a bit conservative while being quite tolerant of other’s opinions.  He is refreshingly sane and seems comfortable in his own skin. He is also athletic and supports the arts.

B6 has since invited me to a UVA basketball game but I was unavailable. He has mentioned a desire to get together next week.

An option

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Apparently Santa has come early for this good girl (who knew?).  A friend virtually introduced me to B6, a successful entrepreneur, established in his business, lives near Charlottesville, is athletic, enjoys UVA sports,has a pleasant demeanor and a good sense of humor in his early to mid 50’s, his youngest child is in college and he seems completely sane (a huge bonus after B5 and other pre-DBT dates).

 

We met for coffee and had a nice hour long chat, shook hands (no ambush kisses attempted). He emailed later to ask if I would like to have lunch the following week. I really liked the lack of pressure either physical or emotional.  Several first dates I have been on closed with an awkward question of “Would you like to get together again?” and I feel put on the spot.  No red flags at this moment.

 

Will keep you posted on lunch.