Tag Archives: expectations

Going Brazilian Part V: Tips for Bikini Wax Virgins




Tomorrow is the big day.  I have an appointment at Simple Spa in Charlottesville and in preparation for spring break I am going Brazilian. Though it is far from my first bikini wax experience, I couldn’t help thinking about women who might try this for the first time and how nice it would have been if someone had told me what to expect.  If you have been reading this series up to now you know how to prepare for your wax, what to look for in a salon.  Now it is time to get an idea of the procedure itself.

I remember being a bit intimidated at first.  I mean aside from my most recent wasband (remember I have two of them) and my gynecologist, that area of my body had remain unseen by another human being for 12 years or so.  The purpose of all this is to give you an idea so you can decide if this sort of  update to your look is for you.

So here is an outline of the procedure:

You should be escorted to a private treatment room in the salon where you will be asked to undress from the waist down (remember to keep some socks on unless you have neat, clean feet).

If you are shy (like I was when I started bikini waxing) the salon should offer a one -size -fits -all paper string bikini you can wear during the wax process.  You may also bring an extra pair of older panties to wear if you like, but be warned they will probably get wax on them. If the salon fails to offer the panties you may ask for them.

Once you are disrobed to your satisfaction, you will be asked to lie on the table.  Many salons use towels to cover up vulnerable areas if you like similar to how a massage therapist will use a towel to cover your breasts during a massage.

The wax should be warm rather than scalding and applied with something like a popsicle stick.  Audrey Nell Smith from Bombshell explains why the first time you wax is the worst:

“The first time is the hardest time but it gets easier each time you wax. Before you wax the first time the hair is pulled from the body the hair folic le is strong and the hair is strong making the pull effect of waxing the worst it will ever be. Once that bond is broken it takes less effort to remove the hair from the folicle and often after years hair stops growing all together. The pain is similar to quickly ripping a band aid off.”

You may be asked to put your legs in some interesting positions in order to get to some hard to reach places.

After your wax, your esthetician my apply some special cream and should advise you on how to deal with ingrown hairs.

Then you get dressed and go home to take a shower as you may feel a little sticky afterwards.

First timers should avoid sun exposure to the waxes area for a couple of days.

Audrey also suggests taking ibuprofen before your first wax to help control swelling or pain issues.

Tomorrow: trends in bikini waxing- you won’t want to miss that one!

Are there any other beauty topics you are interested in exploring?



Going Brazilian Part III: Tips for finding a Salon


I am happy to report that the “wax” blogs are generating some interesting conversations and I am excited to bring in an expert today to help out.  To view the previous blogs on Going Brazilian simply click here and here.  Otherwise, find out what a shmancy salon in NYC has to say about cleanliness.

So, before going to get a wax of any kind, it is important to understand what hygiene the salon practices for your safety.  Below is some information sent from Shobha Salon of New York– experts in the field.

Shobha(r) Bikini Waxing Safety: Pre-care Pointers

1. Observe Your Surroundings – Similar to preventing infection during a manicure or pedicure, waxing facilities must be clean and strict sanitary processes must be followed to provide uncontaminated supplies, eliminating the potential for infection during the treatment process. Your practitioner should always:

a. Use clean, disposable implements or hospital grade disinfectant for any tools that are reused.

* Wear gloves.
* Clearly wash hands before and after each client.

2. Steer Clear of Double Dipping – The nauseating truth is that double-dipping is common practice in wax application. This method uses the same spatula for the entire treatment, re-dipping the used applicator back into the vat of wax. This contaminated wax is then reused for treatments on other individuals. “Unfortunately, this technique can increase the chances of potentially harmful bacteria spreading from one client to another, which is particularly disturbing when dealing with the bikini area. That’s why we follow our strict No Double Dip Policy (SM) for all sugaring and waxing treatments at Shobha,” Shobha Tummala, Founder and CEO of Shobha says. If the facility does not offer such a policy, request a new can of wax at the start of your treatment to avoid contaminated supplies that have been used on other clients.

3. The Truth About Tweezers – Many aestheticians place tweezers, typically used to remove stray hairs after a bikini wax, in their pockets, drawers or even leave them lying around, causing them to be susceptible to various types of harmful bacteria. Plus, they are not likely to be sanitized between every client, which can increase the potential for contracting an infection during a treatment. “Tweezers should always be sanitized with a hospital grade disinfectant every time a service is completed. Here at Shobha, we only thread to remove stray hairs to avoid this potential safety hazard entirely. Our thread is never reused and is completely sanitary. While our Specialists may hold the thread taut in their mouths for better accuracy, this part of the thread never comes in contact with your skin.” says Shobha Tummala, Founder and CEO of Shobha.

4. Know Your Professional – By law, your wax practitioner must be licensed with the state to perform professional treatments. This license should be displayed in the place of work. For New York State, you can check online to make sure your practitioner is current with his/her paperwork online (This licensing requirement may vary in Canada; your local department of commerce should have more details).

5. Be Menstruation Free – Generally, it is best to get a bikini wax at least a few days before or after your period. The closer the treatment is to your actual period, the more sensitive your body becomes because your immune system is lowered, making you more susceptible to infection.

6. Try a Patch Test – Before undergoing a full treatment, if you have never waxed previously it is best to try a small area (known as a patch test) first. Wait 48 hours between the test and full treatment to see if you have any adverse reactions.

Shobha, New York City’s celebrated hair removal expert, is known for its consistent quality and client sensitivity embodied in its line of products and all-inclusive treatments for the brows, body and bikini. Shobha also caters to its clientele via its online presence atmyShobha.com.


137 Fifth Ave, 8th FL
New York, NY 10010

Thanks Shobha for the information!

What other things might you want to know about a salons before waxing?


Disclaimer:  I have not received any services or been offered any services paid or otherwise from Shobha salon at the time of this writing. MB

Going Brazilian Part II: The basics


Two days ago I started blogging about bikini waxing and how this has become a normal part of grooming that many women entering the dating scene following a long term relationship may want to explore.  (To see my introduction to bikini waxing click here.) I pointed out in the post that if you have had only one sexual partner for the last 15 to 25 years you may be out of the loop on the trends because way back when you started dating that man bikini waxing was reserved for strippers and hookers.  Now it is a mainstream activity and the expectations of grooming “down there” may be a bit different than the last time you thought about it.

To confirm that other newly “divorced” middle aged women were interested in this topic I spoke with Kimberly Austin.  According to  Austin, a 5 year veteran “waxologist” at Bombshell Salon in Richmond, there has been an increase in middle aged divorcees waxing in the last several years. Says Austin, “Two years ago 20% of my waxing clients were over 30.  Now the breakdown is about 60% younger women and 40% older. Most of these women are coming in after a divorce.”  “Getting a wax can help you feel sexy and more vital.  It can be a factor in an older woman gaining confidence to try new things.”  says Victoria Snapp owner of Simple Spa  in Charlottesville who has had clients dramatically change their hair and try pole dancing after beginning waxing the bikini area.

It is pretty dramatic going from a full “bush” to nothing so Austin recommends starting with a standard bikini wax (tops of the inner thighs, plus a quarter inch in towards the labia and anything above the panty line) and moving inward a little more each time you wax until you are ready for none or next to none. “Most women go from a regular bikini wax and work their way up to a French wax (all hair off the back side of the buttocks, some hair on the labia) then to either a full Brazilian (everything) or a landing strip (everything except a small strip of hair from below the panty waistband to the top of the labia),” she explains.

Advice to consider:  Start out slowly and work your way up to “the full Monty”  if that is where you think you want to go.

Tomorrow I will explore salon cleanliness issues to ask about before booking your first appointment.

Do you think getting a bikini wax would make you feel sexier and more confident?

Great Expectations?


My New Years resolution is to be mindful of how I expend my energy and to release as many expectations as possible.  These are both challenging goals for me but the “expectations” part is particularly difficult.  I can pause throughout the day and determine where my energy is going by focusing on how I feel about a specific task or idea and get a pretty good handle on whether that task or idea is energizing or draining for me.  But expectations for me are tricky.  Often I will have an expectation of something and not even know it because it is so buried in my psyche like I used to think that love was expressed via gifts so I developed the  expectation that men should bestow nice gifts as an expression of love.  I had the belief that someone who really loved me would lavish me with gifts, take me out for nice meals or arrange trips that included plane fare and things l like to do.  This expectation was the direct result from my father’s habit of gift giving and how he spent time with me.  He often gave gifts of nice jewelry for birthdays or holidays and took me out for dinner or the theatre (or both) when we spent time together.  It took me years to get over that one but I must say I have gotten some pretty nice gifts from men who have thought the same way.  Now that expectation has been reduced to :nice but not necessary.

Other expectations sneak in as what I perceive as normal like I expect a bathroom in a nice restaurant to be clean.  In terms of a potential mate, I expect him to be able to communicate and problem solve with me which includes demonstrating empathy.

But our expectations can get us into big trouble in relationships.  In fact in an article in the January 2012 issue of Psychology Today, Are You With The Right Mate? (I mentioned this article before in the post about characteristics that make a good relationship),  claims that relationships are good for examining and adjusting our expectations and that is a primary catalyst for personal growth and growth as a couple.

Here is a chunk of that article talking about expectations in relationships and how they are a problem:

To the extent that people have an ideal partner and an ideal relationship in their head, they are setting themselves up for disaster, says family expert Michelle Givertz, assistant professor of communication studies at California State University, Chico. Relationship identities are negotiated between two individuals. Relationships are not static ideals; they are always works in progress.

To enter a relationship with an idea of what it should look like or how it should evolve is too controlling, she contends. It takes two people to make a relationship. One person doesn’t get to decide what it should be. And to the extent that he or she does, the other partner is not going to be happy.

“People can spend their lives trying to make a relationship into something it isn’t, based on an idealized vision of what should be, not what is,” she says. She isn’t sure why, but she finds that such misplaced expectations are increasing. Or, as Doherty puts it, “A lot of the thinking about being married to the wrong mate is really self-delusion.”

I have a friend who appears to have a successful marriage who tells me that when she realized that some of her needs were unmet, she began to examine her expectations with the help of a psychologist. She attributes her satisfaction in her marriage to giving up all expectations.  This is confusing to me because I think there have to be some expectations is order to make a relationship function- like the expectation that this person will come home (this was the bar my ex-husband set- he used to say, “You know I love you because I come home.” which would really piss me off when used in an argument because it seemed like a really low bar to set for a marriage but perhaps there was wisdom in it that I failed to see at the time.)  I think one needs to have the expectation that someone will follow through with agreements and if those agreements cannot be upheld to have the ability to communicate that and why (which preserves sanity in a relationship).  Is that unreasonable?
However, I do have a better understanding of what she means.  Not the big stuff like fidelity or coming home but smaller things like being on time or eating healthfully.

What I am learning is that the key to happiness in this relationship thing is really about self growth.  I am unhappy when I try to change people or insist on things being done my way.  In the past, I thought I was negotiating but really I was only satisfied if I got what I wanted. I wrapped myself up in what my partner did and felt rather than paying attention to myself.  I ignored the natural strengths and weaknesses of my partners and spoke in demands rather than respecting the relationship and speaking in requests. Frustration is really a wake up call to examine something in myself like unrealistic expectations, stubbornness, and inflexibility.  Usually it means I am trying to flow upstream of something and if I meditate on it I can usually figure out what it is and find a mutually satisfying solution.