Valentine’s for One

 

Valentine’s is traditionally the day that sweethearts exchange tokens of affection. For single people this can be a reminder of the state of “singleness” resulting in discomfort or sadness. I have experienced this myself and dreaded February 14 as a day of isolation and loneliness.

Happily, with some effort on my part, that has changed.

Over the many years I have spent single, I have learned a very important lesson:

I need to be the most important person in my life – Period.

So I have decided to make Valentine’s the day I celebrate love for myself  just as a lover or partner might. I buy myself a card and/or flowers, indulge in a chocolate or three and take myself out to a movie or other treat like a pedicure. I avoid  places where there will be loads of couples, like restaurants. I tell myself, “I love you”, throughout the day too – which may seem silly but it is fun.

The result: February 14th is now a day I look forward to with the enthusiastic anticipation of a second grader who will receive a shoebox full of cards and treats.

Whether you are single or partnered, you are the one person you will be with and care for for your entire life – so, like the song says: love the one you’re with!

What are ways you can celebrate self love today?

Note: For a great meditation for self love look up Sarah Blondin’s “Loving and Listening to Yourself” from her Coming Home to Yourself series.

A Deer Message

I have been stuck lately.  Stuck in a horrible rut of self-doubt, fear and worst of all boredom.  I have been bored with myself even – a rarity in my world.

This morning while setting up for a poolside yoga class I sometimes host at my apartment complex, I discovered a fawn stuck between the fence rails behind some lounge chairs.  The poor little thing had been struggling all night to squeeze its narrow body forward through the fence. It had rubbed the skin at its hip bones raw from the effort of trying to move forward and scrapped its forelegs to the point of bleeding trying to get momentum on the cemented pool patio with its hooves.

Fortunately, one of the fabulous maintenance guys who come to clean the pool in the morning had spent many years raising deer and when he arrives a few minutes later. He knew exactly how to handle the fawn and work with a couple of his co-workers to free it without harming it further.

The message:  Sometimes we get stuck and end up in a fruitless struggle to become unstuck by ourselves.  If we are patient, (and particularly if we ask our Higher Power), the right people will appear at the right time and help us in a way that sets us back on our path.

It is the same with the search for a life partner.  Ask. Be patient. and in the right time the right person will come into our lives.

With gratitude.

Mary

Say Hello to the Year of Love

Holy Cow!  I knew 2013 would be a good year for me because 213 is my lucky number- AND it was!  As I reflect on the year I see a full, amazing, productive passing of 365 days complete with sadness, joy, highs, lows, dashed dreams and dreams that came true.  I fed my spirit with a regular yoga practice, found Ayruveda, came to a place of compassion for several people who had injured me in the past, got a book writing deal, created an education program for teens and saw it come to fruition, realized my dream of working for a nonprofit in a meaningful capacity and generating an arts and culture radio show, traveled to the Grove Park Inn and Tibet, stayed in a 5 star hotel, attended many excellent live performances, spent some time in nature with my children and enjoyed many delectable meals with friends. Most importantly, I have gained a deeper sense of connecting and being connected to people, which brings me immeasurable joy.  I feel love towards and feel loved by many friends and family and it ROCKS! This is a huge accomplishment because it means that I am really recovering from the effects of having lived with an alcoholic and thus the disease of alcoholism which caused me to be so fearful and wrapped up in my own (and the alcoholic’s) stuff that I lost the ability to truly connect with people.  I feel like 2013 has been a year of relearning what love is – healthy love for myself and  others. I have found a balance in the paradox of being happy to be just me and the desire to be part of a couple.  Neither one nor the other state of being obsesses or limits me – I simply am and I am content.

Sure over the course of this year I had bouts of loneliness. I thought I had found a potential romance last new years at a yoga retreat but alas, the circumstances were unacceptable and I had to move on. There were a few nice dates and one madcap liaison which has resulted in a fun friendship. I questioned my requirements and my gut particularly after learning of the marriage of a former suitor less than a year following his divorce (Am I too picky and that is why I too am not married or dating someone regularly?) but after contemplation returned to the understanding that I am a rare and special woman who requires someone special and that is also rare. So I will just have to wait.

I am not actively looking but I am open to whoever might come along that is interesting.  I am having loads of fun with my career, family, friends and causes and I have faith that when the time is right the right man will come into my life. He will just walk right up and it will be quite clear that he is the right guy.  I am thinking 2014 will be the year this happens because I am more ready than ever since I am in a better place than I can remember.  Besides it has got to be the year of love, it is 2-14 after all- the whole year is Valentine’s Day.  What better year for romance to come in to one’s life?

As you can see I am ever the optimist but if it doesn’t happen that is OK too.  It will still be the year of love as I am sure I will continue to learn to love myself even more, opening me up to more love for others.

In closing I offer a new years wish for all of you dear readers:

I hold the vision that 2014 is the year of love and that everyone on the planet learns to love a little deeper in the next 365 days and that those seeking love partners find them with ease or better.

Happy New Year, Everyone!

Do You Need A Reason For Buying Sex Toys?

Dear Readers,

Today’s post is a contribution from Walker Thornton, a sister writer/blogger who writes about relationships also.  She has done a lot of research on the topic at hand and has graciously agreed to join in the fun for this series.  I met her while be photographed for The Eleanor Project (click here for more information), a blog dedicated to changing the perception of what is beautiful started by writer/blogger Jennifer McDonald and photographer/blogger, Terry Beigie.  To learn more about Walker and her blog, A Woman’s Page, click here.

Enjoy!

Do You Need a  Reason For Buying Sex Toys?

Sexual desire is a natural, healthy and delicious thing. Whether you’re in a relationship or single, 20 or 70—sexuality is still a vital part of who you are as a person. How you define sexuality and what you do to enhance your sex life is a personal matter.

Our culture is obsessed with sex. Yet we don’t talk about sex in a matter-of-fact, healthy way, leaving many people feeling confused or out of touch with their own feelings.

How do we learn? How do we communicate our sexual desires to a partner? And, how do we safely and comfortably incorporate a sexual practice in our lives?

This is where sex toys come in! What better way to kick start your sexual practice, solo or otherwise, into high gear than to buy a sex toy….or two.  Need a reason to buy one for yourself or a partner? I’ve got a few thoughts and justifications (as if we need a justification to feel good? ) for starting or adding to your toy collection:

1. The experience of sexual pleasure makes us feel good. It energizes us.
2. Sexual health is important for women of all ages, particularly women approaching menopause. As delicate vaginal tissues dry up women are more susceptible to tearing and painful intercourse.  Vaginal atrophy (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/vaginal-atrophy/DS00770) is unpleasant and painful.  Sexual stimulation of any sort promotes lubrication and  helps keep vaginal tissues supple.
3. Low sex drive? Don’t feel sexy? One of the best ways to enhance sexual responsiveness is by learning your body’s hot spots. Experiment with fingers and sex toys to discover what feels good to you. The very act of thinking about sex and expressing yourself sexually leads to heightened awareness and desire. Once you understand what turns you on, you can guide your partner to bring you both greater satisfaction.
4. Single? A good vibrator or dildo, depending on your preference, is just as good and sometimes better than sex with a partner.  There’s no need to assume that sexual satisfaction must be tied to intimacy with another person.
5. Both men and women benefit from bringing sex toys into the bedroom. They add a spark to your intimate moments, reviving a boring or dying sex life and are just…plain good fun.

As a woman you will enjoy better sex when you understand your body and how it responds to touch.  Many women get into the trap of assuming a man should know how to satisfy her. But, the truth is that men aren’t taught about the female anatomy. You need to know what arouses you in order to help him. Having an orgasm is not as easy and spontaneous as it looks on the movies. And, many women have never experienced one.  The key is to open yourself up to sexual pleasure—all alone—and with a partner. Using a vibrator is one way to increase your capacity for sexual satisfaction.

How Do I Know Which Sex Toy to Buy?

• Do you want a toy for couples’ sex or for solo pleasuring? A dildo or a complex, vaginal/clitoral toy is a little cumbersome to use while you’re having sex. A small vibrator can be used in conjunction w/ fingers, tongue or penetration. Think about how you plan to use your new toy.
• If you want to enhance your ability to have an orgasm, you might prefer one type of toy to another. Choose a toy designed to stimulate the clit.
• If you’re new to sex toys start simple. I don’t recommend the rabbit-type toy, for example. The little rabbit ears are supposed to flutter around your clitoris, while the main shaft is inserted vaginally. Personally, this toy requires too much positioning to get the rabbit ears in the right spot—it’s distracting.

There are local sex shops and online sites where you find an array of toys. One of my favorites is Good Vibrations (link: www.goodvibes.com) . You can search their site for products, how-to articles and helpful tips. Babeland and EdenFantasys are other reputable, mainstream sites.

If you’re female, inviting your guy to shop with you for toys is pretty sexy! It can be a great way to start talking about your sex life. Guys, buying her a sexy toy would bring you both pleasure, just don’t go hardcore unless you know her preferences.

Sex toys add an exciting dimension to any sexual relationship. Use them to increase desire, as foreplay or incorporated into sex to focus on the clit, create fantasy play (think handcuffs, blindfolds), or to jazz up a lazy Sunday afternoon when you’re all alone and feeling sexy!

You might enjoy my article, A Vibrator Primer (http://www.awomanspage.com/day-22-awaken-embrace-ignite-a-vibrator-primer/ )

Inspired by The Rocky Horror Show, Again

Dear Readers,

I started writing this story over the summer and got busy and forgot about it.  Now that I have past the anniversary of my celibacy, I decided that this topic warranted further  exploration.  I enjoyed what I wrote for the original release so I decided rather than trashing it or waiting until next summer, I would go ahead and write this little preamble and go with what I had already written.  The research is current work, however – “wink”.

Below is the story I started last summer and plan to report on in the coming weeks.

Enjoy.

 

The Cast of last summer’s Rocky Horror Show at the Firehouse Theatre Project in Richmond, Va.

I may choose to regale you with further summer romance stories later because my history with boys of summer is a hot one.  Well, at least they were all HOT (the summers and the boys).  But for now I am going to explore a topic inspired by Jase Smith’s production of THE ROCKY HORROR SHOW which opens this Thursday at The Firehouse Theatre Project in Richmond, Virginia.

I was fortunate enough to be enlisted by STYLE WEEKLY to write a pre-story on the show and spend some time with Jase and Terence Sullivan (who plays Frank N. Furter in the show) and watch a rehearsal a few weeks back.  Over a delectable brunch at The Mill in Richmond’s Northside, Jase shared his vision for updating the show.  He thinks that RHS has lost some of its message as it has become more campy than shocking over the years.  So to shoot some life back into the story, he has decided to set the action in a sex club rather than a castle.  The cast costumed in S&M garb and there is a lot of bondage action going on.

The film version, THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW, is one of the most influential films of my life. (I know, it is such an odd choice compared to loftier pics like 8 1/2 or CITIZEN KANE  but stay with me here.)  I was a tender 15 when my RHPS cherry was popped, a place in my life where I was in great emotional conflict over my sexuality.  I attended a very uptight conservative school where the girls and boys were separated.  The big social  message in the girl’s school was “You remain a virgin until you are married or you are a slut.” and it was a battle to keep your reputation spotless in order to remain accepted by the group.

BUT…

My hormones were coursing through me like a herd of wild mustangs spooked by a coyote and I just didn’t know what to do with these intensely mixed messages.

Then

This guy I was sweet on took me to see the film.  I was instantly drawn in by the interaction of the crowd.  The theatre ran the fire sprinklers during “There’s A Light” the scene where it rains on Brad and Janet baptizing them before entering Frank’s castle.  The guy playing Eddie in the live re-enacting cast rode through the theatre on a real Harley Davidson.  And of course there was rice and toast and hotdogs and cards thrown at the appropriate times.  But the film changed my life when Brad, Janet, Rocky, Columbia and Frank end up in the pool in a pleasurable group grope all dolled up in their bustiers and fishnets and sang “Don’t Dream It, Be It”.  Those words echoed through my head and somehow sent me the message that it is OK to want sex but most importantly, it is OK to enjoy sex.

I did NOT run out and loose my virginity at that time but a switch was flipped and when the time came I was excited and guiltless about it.

The good news is that I still enjoy sex.  The bad news is that I currently lack a suitable sexual partner.  (Note: this is a statement of fact, not an invitation.)

So Jase and the Richmond RHS cast in addition to some readers have encouraged me to do a little research and learn more about what toys are available for people who are taking their sex life into their own hands so to speak.

Please know that I will be interviewing some people on this topic and reporting back what I learn – after I check with wordpress to make sure it is OK to talk about this stuff on a blog.

This could take a little time as I am working on a formidable project right now so please be patient.  In the mean time if you have any specific questions or topics you would like to suggest for research, feel free to suggest away.

Spoiling Myself: The Stunning Sound of Silence

 

As part of spoiling myself for the holidays, I attended a five day silent retreat at Yogaville in Buckingham County, Virginia.  Yogaville, I am told, is the largest Ashram in the United States with 200 residents and thousands of day and retreat/workshop visitors every year.  It was founded by Swami Satchidananda who was first invited to the United States from India by the artist, Peter Max and gave the opening dedication at Woodstock.

Swami Satchidananda prescribed a spiritual path called Integral Yoga which supports the idea that there is only one Truth in the Universe but there are many paths to finding that truth.  Thus Integral Yoga embraces the celebration of all religious faiths.

I decided to go on the five day silent retreat offered at New Years for several reasons:

1. The challenge of being silent.

2. To investigate how silence would affect me.

3. To live a yogic lifestyle of holistic health as a cleansing practice for mind and body.

4. As a way of preparing for the coming year and a rebirth of sorts into the second half of my life (I will have my 50th Birthday in February).

5. Because it fit into  both me and my friend, Christina’s, schedules.

Although I was not silent for the five days (we chanted, sang and I spoke out of habit a couple of times), it was a powerful experience that I will savor.  I will blogging about it more for VIRGINIA LIVING in collaboration with an article I wrote about Mindfulness in Virginia that will be published in their March/April issue. In terms of dating here is what happened:

• In listening to only the thoughts in my own head, I realized that it felt better to clear my mind of thoughts about dating or relationships.  I am actually able to think and respond better if I think less about the whole thing. I was much more calm.
• Avoiding men altogether was refreshing.
• There were two men there that intrigued me.  One was wearing a wedding ring and left before we were released from silence so I never got his name or his story.  He, Christina and I went hiking one day – without talking- and then he was like our buddy the rest of the time.  I was so curious about why he was there and what his story was but I guess I must leave it up to fate and have faith that if it is important for me to know I will get the info some how. The other man was checked out by Christina before we went into silence.  He was a teacher from another state and he was single.  I worked very hard to avoid any engagement with him during the retreat as I felt it important to keep my focus on my and to be respectful of allowing him his own reflective space.  When it was over I gave him my contact info.  Turns out his relationship situation is a little more complicated than I originally thought (Ugh!) so I guess I’ve just made another friend until there is more clarity.

I found the experience of Silence to be nurturing spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically and recommend it to anyone who would like to have some space to identify and expunge things that are no longer serving them in any/all aspects of their life and maybe plan some cool things to do next.

Other things I did in preparation for the new year:

1. Set some goals and made a “vision” plan with pictures cut out from magazines and some journaling in a special note book.

2. Shared with my children that I want to nurture and grow our bond as a family and made a plan for that.

3. Started taking some action to achieve my goals for the year.

I also continued spoiling myself  through the last day of Christmas (Jan. 6) with long walks with my dog while she was visiting, sleeping in (I spent one whole day in bed – that was truly decadent), meditating longer, shopping for myself, taking my children on a ski outing, seeing some movies, dressing a little nicer, soaking in the hot tub, baking cookies and giving them away,  making time to read books, dancing and going to see the season premier of Downton Abbey on the big screen at a local theatre.

What might you do to spoil yourself a bit today?

Hari Om and Happy New Year!

Mary

Christina and me with the LOTUS Temple of All Faiths in the background.

Dateless over the Holidays: Spoiling Yourself

 

As previously mentioned, I am alone for the holidays.  Neither of my children is here and Stella, our dog who normally lives in Old Town Alexandria is visiting while my daughter and her father are in Mexico.  I could be bitter but instead I am doing nice things for myself- I mean, if I don’t who will?  Which is my advice for those of you who are out there by yourselves at this time of year as well.

So it is Saturday night.  Many of my friends have sent lovely farewell greetings as they jet off to the islands, New York or Europe for Christmas and/or New Years. I am pooped from shopping and indulging in too much alcohol at nightly parties for the past 10 days.  Feeling fat as I have ignored my own advice and indulged in way too many sweets and had too little exercise this past week (will make up for it at 5 day Silent Retreat at Yogaville where I will eat only very healthy vegetarian organic fare and zero refined sugar and practice yoga twice a day).

One way to spoil yourself is to prepare a great meal and enjoy it by candlelight. That may sound a big odd to some people as we usually associate candlelight dining with a romantic evening but in the absence of romantic partner we must romance ourselves. Are you really going to waist all those opportunities for nice dinners waiting for someone with whom to eat them?

So to spoil myself tonight I made myself a delicious steak (desperately needed the iron) and ate it by candlelight on my fine china along with a good glass of red wine, fake fire blazing (we have this really tacky electric fireplace in our apartment which I usually keep covered by a chest of drawers but I decided, tasteless or not to expose it for ambiance for the season), Christmas tree lit and Pandora’s Jazz Holiday’s station providing the soundtrack.

Now I will put on my comfy pajamas, brush my teeth and head upstairs to watch a holiday themed movie like “Elf” or “It’s a Wonderful Life” or a good costume drama like “Jane Eyre” or begin my favorite version of “Pride and Prejudice” with Colin Firth and Elizabeth Ehle.

What do you like to do to spoil yourself when you are alone?

What to do While in Dating Limbo: (a new series) Eat Sweets for Breakie

Life in dating limbo can be super horrific or absolutely fabulous depending on your outlook. Dating Limbo meaning: that space where you are refraining from dating either by choice or attrition.  If you haven’t figured it out already, I am back in dating limbo myself,  my foray into dating someone ended in short order (my therapist says I am being healthfully picky- great!  That won’t get me kissed on New Year’s Eve but whatever.) So what to do?  It is the holidays and after that I am working full time on a charity event until the end of February so I think it is best I just lay low.  But rather than whining about being dateless I have decided to take this time to focus on me.  I will have a future blog post talking about that in a bit more detail but as I do that I will be writing about it from time to time.

One thing I am excited about at anytime is food and nutrition.  Everyone knows it is important to eat right.  Eating right helps to keep one’s body functioning perfectly which in turn helps to prevent icky diseases, keeps one feeling fabulous and looking totally hot – all good things, right?

In general, I eat a pretty good diet of organic and mostly non-processed foods, take zero drugs and drink alcohol only occasionally and then I have a two drink maximum limit.   I consider this one of the keys to my excellent health.  According to my last physical examination by an MD (which would count as my last physical examination by anyone. Ugh!) I have the health of someone half my age and fairly low body fat levels even though I eat real butter and indulge in sweets on pretty much a daily basis.

So I was thrilled to read an article in the August issue of Oprah magazine (Yeah, I know I am a little behind in my reading) titled, Could the Breakfast of Weight Loss Champions Be…Dessert?  that described research demonstrating that eating sweets at breakfast is likely to help one loose weight and keep it off.  For many years I have chosen to eat my sweets by 4:00pm and preferably earlier in order to work off the calories before bedtime.  I have often enjoyed a piece of pie or a cupcake right after breakfast.  Now, in  a research study in Israel, agrees with this theory.

Here is a part of Gina Roberts-Grey’s article featuring data from a study by Dr. Daniela Jakubowicz:

In the study, two groups of overweight and obese people were instructed to consume the same number of calories daily (1,400 for women, 1,600 for men); the difference was that one group ate a modest breakfast each morning, while the other went all out with a high-calorie (600), high-carb (60 grams), high-protein (45 grams) meal that included a sugary treat. (Imagine a scramble of cottage cheese and eggs—two with the yolk, one without—on whole grain toast, an eight-ounce container of low-fat yogurt on the side, plus a fudge brownie.)

After eight months, the dessert-at-breakfast group had lost an average of 38 more pounds per person than the traditional dieters. An interesting twist occurred halfway through the study: During the first 16 weeks, both groups dropped about the same amount of weight. But over the next 16 weeks, the big-breakfast eaters continued to slim down (losing another 15 pounds) while the small-breakfast eaters gained back more than 75 percent of the weight they’d lost. Why? They’d started to cheat—which makes sense given that they reported feeling hungrier and had higher levels of the appetite hormone ghrelin.

(Read more: http://www.oprah.com/health/Dessert-for-Breakfast-to-Lose-Weight#ixzz2ErKdocPJ)

YEAH!! Permission from Oprah to eat dessert at breakfast!  I am all over that!  So, I decided to try a recipe for breakfast bars that have chocolate chips in them (YUM!) called No-Bake Chocolate Almond Oat Bars. After all, eating right is part of focusing on me, taking care of myself, doing things that are good for me, right?

OMG! These bars are delicious, very east to make nutrition packed excuse to eat sweets in the AM.  Here is the recipe:

Makes 16 bars

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup honey
• 1/4 cup coconut oil
• 1/4 cup almond butter
• 1/4 tsp. sea salt
• 1 tsp. vanilla
• 1 tsp. cinnamon
• 1/2 cup chopped almonds
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts
• 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips
• 1/4 sunflower seeds
• 1/4 pumpkin seeds
• 1/4 goji berries
• 1 cup rolled oats

Directions

Heat honey, coconut oil, almond butter, sea salt, vanilla and cinnamon in a saucepan over low heat.

Combine chopped almonds, chopped walnuts, dark chocolate chips, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, goji berries and rolled oats in a bowl.

Stir wet ingredients into dry ingredients. Press into a greased 8″ x 8″ pan and refrigerate until hardened. Cut into 16 bars.

For more sweets in the morning from Oprah Magazine click Here.

Another favorite breakfast (eaten mostly in summer) at my house is what I lovingly call Yogini Breakfast because I learned these recipes while d0ing my yoga teacher training at Clarananda with Valma Brenton in the desert of Baja Mexico.  (For more about Valma’s offerings and her company Herizen Adventures for Women click here.) She will be releasing a cook book soon with, I believe, a picture of yours truly on the front cover.

Yogini Breakfast consists of a  Banana Chocolate Almond Smoothie and a coated rice cake.

Recipes:

Chocolate Almond Smoothie for 1

1/2 cup of plain yogurt (I use goat’s milk yogurt which I think is better for you than cow’s milk which contains casein)

1 tbls of honey (local organic if possible)

1 +1/2 cups of Chocolate almond milk

1 frozen banana

Put all ingredients into a blender or food processor.  Blend until smooth.  Enjoy! 🙂

 

Yogi “Toast”

1 plain rice cake

nut butter (peanut, sunflower seed butter, cashew or almond butter)

honey (ideally local organic)

Spread nut butter over rice cake and drizzle with honey.

 

Enjoy your yogini breakfast with green tea.  I drink decaf because it suits my dosha (Ayurvedic constitution) and because caffein makes be crazy.

I think I will try the Chocolate Zucchini Bread from the Oprah magazine  article next.  Wow, I am really enjoying this focusing on me stuff!

 

PS: If you try these recipes, let me know what you think.

M

 

Spanish Holiday Part Catorce: The last of the Boys of summer for now

It is Labor Day here in the States.  Summer is officially over and so is my story of my thrice years past trip to Spain (final installment below).  To update you: “Ricardo” and I are still friends never lovers, Kirana and I are in cahoots off and on about organizing a spiritual cultural  trip for women to Catalunya to fill their spirits (hot younger men not included) my divorce is final as of August 2009 and I am trying to figure out how to get to India to travel with my guru, Valma to celebrate my 50th this coming February for another transformational spiritual journey to kick off the second half of my life.  As I write this preamble, I am tearful with gratitude for my Spanish adventure, the wonderful people I met and the gift of confidence and self -worth it afforded me. I encourage all the single ladies to screw up their courage and do something that scares them in order to accomplish the same.

For inspiration, I offer this quote from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe:

“Each indecision brings its own delays and days are lost lamenting over lost days…What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has Magic, Power and Genius in it.”

Thank you for reading and enjoy the last little bit o Spanish Holiday…

Kirana takes me to the Hotel Palou, a tobacco baron’s mansion turned into cool bed and breakfast featuring 10 unique rooms with furniture made by a local artist.  It is a lovely place one block behind the yoga studio.  There is a pool in the back and a quaint dining room for breakfasts.  My room has twin beds,  a cool slate bath area and a window that opens up to the street.

There is a concert tonight at Kirana’s Studio, Sathya, (www.sathyamusic.com) is the man’s name.  He has two other musicians with him a sitar player called Shambo and a gorgeous Brazilian woman named Liliana who also sings.  The concert is held in the studio’s beautiful courtyard where Krishna Das once performed.  All of the concerts are instigated by people who want to play there, Kirana never promotes the space to musicians rather they find the space and approach her.  It is quite karmic that way.  The space is truly magical.  It is naturally festooned with purple and pink flowers and native Spanish plants draping over the walls.  There is a fish pond in the left hand corner spiked with water lilies.  The stage is a large concrete rectangular block that extends long ways along the right hand side of the courtyard. I is draped with Indian tapestries to soften the look of it. There are Buddha statues placed in natural “shelves” in the earthen and rock walls.  Mats cover the pebbled ground with mediation cushions strewn about to provide comfortable seating for the 26 patrons that eventually filter in to watch and listen.

The band begins by lighting candles and greeting the crowd with “Namaste” and a three minute silent meditation. The atmosphere transforms from peaceful garden to a place of musical mysticism as the group breaks the silence with a chant honoring the Hindu god, Ganesh. The repetition of the mantra increases or “reveals” its power. The audience participates in a call and response chant, starting out rather meekly and quietly and building in enthusiasm as the pace increased reaching a fever pitch with clapping and some swaying or head bobbing movements.  The soul cleansing aspect of the experience becomes apparent as the night continues and I begin to feel lighter and my spirit flowing more freely in the communal space of the Universe.

Later, Sathya explains that what they do for a crowd is far from a performance, it is a musical meditation, part of his yogic path.  “It is about being yourself in the moment, being in that space to provide a way to let the divine flow through you.”

It is a beautiful night and after hugs and goodbyes, I head up the hill to the hotel Palou to sleep knowing that tomorrow is my last full day in Spain for this trip.

The details of this last day are fuzzy in my mind.  I apparently recorded my adventures in a separate journal and have in three years since having lived through a divorce, a torturous year with my daughter in the wrong school,  re-entry into dating world, selling my house and moving twice since, I have forgotten the details – go figure.  Anyway, I do know that I went into Barcelona proper and met up with a professor of business at some University, an older gentleman I met by contacting the Quaker Friends Meeting of Barcelona who showed me all over town while stopping frequently to eat tapas and sip coffee or Cava (whichever was most needed at the moment).  I remember going through some huge gardens and stopping in a cool little boutique and buying a fabulous blue cotton dress that I still own and wear to this day.  I also must have ended up at Gaudi’s Casa Batllo because I remember touring it and taking oodles of pictures.  I have a vaugue recollection of Kirana picking me up and riding the train back to Sitges but I fail to recall how I spent my last night on that trip.  Certainly it was a quiet affair, I think I cooked dinner for Kirana and her guests at her house and walked back to the hotel.  The next morning though, breakfast was disturbed by a parade outside and everyone staying at the Palou went out on the front slate veranda to watch.  It is the Bal De Diablos in relationship to some Saints Day or something.  There are lots of teenagers dressed as devils shooting off fire crackers, drummers and big statue/puppet like things being carried through the streets.  The kids all look hungover and tired but they are out there parading anyway.  I watch for a while then go inside to pack.  I notice that I arrive in San Pere on a festival day an I am leaving on one as well.  Kirana, wonderful hostess that she is, is driving me to the airport to catch my flight to Paris then on to the States.

The remainder of the morning is a blur.  Kirana comes to get me and we say a tearful curbside farewell.  I go through the regular security checks et al and end up on a plane.

From here I have my notes:  I am fighting back tears as the plane rom Barcelona ascends.  My heart is breaking, already mourning the end of my trip.  Like taking the last sip form a bottle of good champagne- the sparkle is finished, the good times ended for now and soon reality will smack me in the face made more harsh by the memory of so much heady fun.  I really do feel as though a piece of me is torn off and left in Spain.  It is painful at present but I know it simply means I will return.  The whirlpool of love, friendship, kindness, generousity, spirituality, joy, sensitivity and celebration of wisdom- a metaphor for the important things in life. The seeds of possibility planted, I wait curiously to see how they will come to fruition.

If  I have one regret from this adventure it is that I did not have sex with Ricardo.  Who knows when I will have such an opportunity again.  But the Universe is functioning perfectly and I am satisfied that I made the right decision.

I will be happy to see my family though I did not miss them. I look forward to being reunited with them in my new state of being- my heart is opening and it feels divine.  Still I feel I shall cry for days and days.  Rivers of tears that this part of my journey is finished.  I will not cry on the plane as filling my nasal passages with snot at this point would be excruciating and… besides, you just never know who you might meet on the plane.

FIN

Spanish Holiday Part Once: Friday at Last

Introduction:  This story is about being a single middle-aged woman and finding your spirit through travel and yoga spiced with the kisses of a younger man.  I made this trip three years ago and wrote most of the story with the intention of finding an editor interested in all or part of it for publication but failed to finish it.  If you are just signing on for the first time you can access the first story in the Spanish Holiday Series by clicking here then scrolling through the blog for the other installments.  Happy reading- Mary.

FRIDAY:

This morning I get up early and go for a walk around the town to get in a little cardio vascular exercise.  San Pere is a charming little town with buildings from various eras of the past couple of thousand years all mixed in together.  I walk across a bridge on a road towards the hospital which winds through fields of grape vines bearing the fruit that will one day be the delicious cava that I have come to adore.  The sun is shining and warming up the landscape.  I turn back and venture towards Kirana’s house via a jogging path of sorts dodging dog poop (no requirements of the dog owners to clean it up) and taking in the dusty terrain.  This part of Spain is dry.  Hot in the day and cool at night- good for grapes I guess.  I get a bit lost but without too much trouble find my way back to the little stucco house and prepare for the yoga intensive day.

I have an hour and a half yoga class with Kirana in the morning again mostly in Spanish with some translation for me.  We are inside on a beautiful day with the sliding doors opened.  Kirana corrects my triangle pose and I laugh because Nora, who was trained with Kirana at Yogaville, did the same thing at home before she told me to practice the pose against the studio wall to achieve the most beneficial body posture.   I make a little knowing chuckle as Kirana performs the correction.

After the class, I have a chance to check emails and make some phone calls while Kirana picks up Noah.  The plan is to drop Noah off for the rest of the day and night with his Dad, check me into the Hotel Estela in Sitges then have an interview over lunch for the story I am writing about her. During her absence I chat with Marianne about a time to meet before I go back stateside.  I ask Marianne to join us for lunch because there will not be another time during my stay to talk further with her about the PhD program or the Creative Writing program possibilities.  When I mention this to Kirana in the car on the way to Sitges she gets very upset.  She points out that adding Marianne will skew the balance of the conversation and we will not really have time to talk deeply about her philosophy and the center.  She is right and I sputter out an apology and explanation.  Then coolly remind her that all things are happening the way they should and an answer to the situation of not getting the interview now will come- we just have to trust it. “Chill out yoga guru,” I tell her,” the Universe is running perfectly and there will be a better time.”  She calms but does not appear to be totally placated.  It was inconsiderate of me to invite Marianne even though I did try to call Kirana to ask her permission for Marianne to join us but she did not answer her phone.  I then decided to do what would be best for me, having no other guidance on the matter at the time. I of all people know how frustrating it is to make time for things as a single parent and then things don’t work out as I planned them. But now my psyche was evolving to let me take things a step further and look for the benefit is how circumstances turn out.  Yesterday I ordered a meal I did not really want but the Universe created an opportunity for me to have the dish I truly desired easily and without a row or a fuss. I trusted the Universe to do the same today and provide a window of time for Kirana and I to talk privately.  I knew it would happen if I: A) had faith that it would and B) let it go.

THE HOTEL ESTELA

This place has 1980’s class.  Situated at the  harbor at Sitges it overlooks a small but nice beach much less crowded than the beach at the other side of the church.  The turquase Mediterranean lapping the cresent beach. The hotel is a nice design and packed with art to sell.  In the lobby is a giant painting of Linda Evans’ face aka her “Dynasty” years.  Her visage divided in half vertically with a fantastical version on the left side and a realistic depiction on the right.  It is fairly tacky in its datedness.  The front desk guy is polite and friendly but neglects to notice I have booked a suite.  He is very nice aabout it and puts me on the top floor (the 4^th)  in a n artsy suite style toom with a beautiful view of the small beach and the sea.  The furnature is 90’s European chic but at the same time a bit nouveaux riche sleeze.

 

I leave my bags and Kirana, after depositing Noah with his dad, picks me up and we head to the village to park and meet Marianne in front of the church.  We chat and walk through the charming winding skinny streets of Sitges to a charming place called Café Alfresco.  Fabio the personable, gay waiter is attentive and knowledgable.  We giggle like school girls and have fun perusing the menu.  Lunch is on me as we are preparing to talk business:  writing and teaching opportunities in Spain.  I order from the menu de dias; watermelon soup, a salad with fresh herbs and melon for dessert- a perfect Mediterranean lunch.  The soup is cool and refreshing with a little kick to it of some peppery spice. Everything is excellent including the bite of Kirana’s coconut cake she shares for dessert.    We have a wonderful girls lunch which seemed much needed by both Marianne and Kirana.  It was delightful.

Following our estrogen fest luncheon, Kirana and I head back to San Pere de Ribes to prepare for another yoga class.  We talk on the way back about material wants and needs.  She is already like a close friend and it feels great to talk about things I contemplate often but do not often have someone to discuss with.

We decide to have the class outside on the patio of the courtyard.  It is a lovely warm day, the sky is bright blue with a scattered white cloud or two and the colors are vibrant from the purple, orange and golden flowers that festoon the courtyard.  One other student joins us and it is a wonderful practice.  Bees are buzzing around the golden blossoms of the tree that shades the patio generating a natural “Om” soundtrack for us.  At one point during warrior poses, a whisper of a breeze causes a little shower of soft golden petals, decorating our heads with golden confetti.  The session was magical.  I feel great.  My body has lengthened out again and I look great.  Inner peace is starting to find its way into my heart when I am not thinking about Ricardo and his kisses.  He should be arriving soon and it is difficult to concentrate fully on my practice knowing I will be near him soon and not knowing what to expect from the evening.

As predicted, the Universe offered the perfect opportunity to interview Kirana in the perfect place, her studio.  Between the class and the time to meet the evenings performers, we have a quiet time alone to talk.  I point out to her that this is a much better time (right after a yoga session when our minds are peaceful and clear) and place (the studio with its good guru karma and inspirational aura) to conduct this talk.  She agrees and is at peace with it.

Kirana is originally from my home town, Richmond, Virginia, U.S. of A.  We are only a year apart but grew up in different worlds.  While I spent my childhood in Bon Air, on the Southside of Richmond near the River and in the West End, Kirana, who was then Karen Stovers, grew up in Northside.  I attended an exclusive private school while Kirana enjoyed a Montessori education ending up in the coolest High School in Richmond, Open High, an alternative school for smart kids.  It was at Open High that she began to practice yoga and was encouraged by her teacher to attend a talk by Swami Satchidananda at the Sacred Heart Cathedral in 1982.  Swami Satchidandanda is the man who opened the famed Woodstock concert in 1969 and in collaboration with artist Peter Max, opened 40 or so yoga centers across the US thus jump-starting the yoga movement in this country.  Kirana continued to practice yoga through college and beyond.  In 1992 she returned to Richmond to get on with her “real life” and found herself at a crossroads; graduate school or get certified to teach yoga?  The Universe provided an easy answer.  A local group, interested in expanding yoga opportunities in Richmond, was offering free yoga teacher training in exchange for  two months of teaching at a selected site.  Kirana took the offer then traveled to Spain to become a Body Logic practitioner with Yamuna Zake (www.YamunaBodyrollin.com).  The following year she went to Yogaville, an ashram in Charlottesville, Virginia founded by Swami Satchidananda, for more in depth yoga training then went back to Spain to work and continue her studies with Zake.  After three years, Zake made the decision to move to New York in order to broaden her reach for her Body Logic methods and Kirana took over her practice in Barcelona as she taught yoga in San Per de Ribes, the commuter town where she lived.  In 2001 the opportunity arose to open a yoga center in the little town and the Integral Yoga Center of Barcelona was born.  The coolest thing about the center is the “Guru energy” that radiates through it and from it.  It has an interesting kind of mystic tractor beam that attracts musicians to the cement stage in the court yard.  In 2005 Krishna Das, the world famous spiritual musician, played at the center.  He met Kirana while in Barcelona city where he performed one night and told her he wanted to perform at her yoga center the next night. Since then, without Kirana’s pursuit, many musicians have contacted her and asked to play there.  Tina Malia, Shubendra Rao, and Luis Paniagua have all jammed in IYB’s charming courtyard.   Tomorrow night, Satyar and his friends will lead a chanting session with guitar and drums.

As we finish up people begin to arrive at the studio to set up for the evenings Kirtan.  Someone knocks on the glass door at the front of the outer studio.  Ricardo has arrived tanned from hours spent on the beach this afternoon.  His eyes are sleepy, his smile lazy and I just want to stroke his beautiful chestnut skin.  I am glad to see him and he seems equally pleased.  After a tour of the studio, he joins in thirty minutes of seated preparatory meditation in the back studio.

We come out of the back studio to discover the musicians are already set up. The four of us find seats and begin chanting with the eight people who have come for the Kirtan.  The philosophy of Swami Satchidananda is that all spiritual teachings that are proponents of love, peace and respect are valuable to everyone on a spiritual path therefore, this Kirtan consists of chants from all over the world and from many spiritual disciplines.

Ricardo seems uncomfortable at first.  Naturally he would be as he is by far the youngest person in the room at 24 years of age. He eventually relaxes enough to enjoy himself.  I, on the other hand, am mystified.  The singing lulls me into a mini trance like state. It is magical.  The leader, a middle aged American woman, starts each song and chant off at a very soft low volume.  The musicians follow her lead and build slowly to a ceshendo hold for a few stanzas then slowly return to the original softness.  Like climbing a mountain.  At points it seems monotonous but this is a good thing.  .   Often the mind must arrive at a place of agitation before it will let go of control which makes room for a spiritual awakening.   I became involved enough to get a tingling sensation in m hands.

 

The Kirtan ends with a few moments of silence to seal the practice.  The experience of an hour of this type of chanting left me relaxed and feeling cleansed.

Once the studio is returned to its normal state, we walk to two blocks to Kirana’s house where her Czeck dinner guests have already arrived.  It worked out perfectly that Ricardo wanted to see Sitges because Kirana had these overnight visitors this night. Being the wonderful hostess that she is, Kirana gives us a ride to the Estrala leaving her guests at home for a few minutes.  Ricardo loves the room.  “How many stars does this hotel rate?” he askes.  I have no idea but I guess between three and four out of the Michelen 5.  We change our clothes and begin the walk over to the inauguration celebration for the piece of Passeo de Mare on the south end of the beach that Marianne had suggested for evening entertainment.

The air at dusk is warm.  A soft sea breeze caresses our walking frames. The moon is a polished silver crescent hanging lazily in the summer sky.   I long for another one of those body melting Ricardo kisses but I promised myself not to touch him unless he made the first move.  I am sixteen years old with no idea what this man is thinking or expecting from the evening.  He had been so kurt the last time I saw him and all of those middle aged insecurities are nagging at the back of my head: “Was he disgusted by my stretch marks?  Did he regret adding a physical dimension to our friendship?  Is he confused?  Does he fell preyed upon?  Does he feel bold and empowered?  Does he like me at all?  Would he rather be somewhere else?  It didn’t really seem like he was so eager to be with me today as he was in Sitges all day and didn’t bother to tell me. etc.”  I decide that if he makes the first move then at least I am not such a predator.  I tell him that I won’t put my hands on him until invited otherwise in an effort to relieve any pressure from the evening I imagine he may have. Ricardo laughs and finds this an amusing game.  He decides rather than give in to my insecurities by holding my hand or by kissing me (what I am really hoping for) he will playfully torture me by not making any moves though the night is already so thick with Mediterranean romance it is unavoidable.